Issues Facing Adoptive Mothers of Special Needs Children

Wow -sounds like something I ought to read! This article, published in the Journal of Social Work in 2003 is definitely validation to the lives that many of us live. The authors are Heather Forbes, a social worker and adoption therapist in Florida and Sophia Dziegielewsi, a professor in social work from the University of Central Florida. There is nothing groundbreaking about their study, nothing that will be of surprise to any of us living the life of an adoptive mother of a special needs child. But just knowing that it’s out there…that someone recognized our plight and cared enough to research it is a comfort.

The researchers first conducted an exhaustive study of literature dealing with the effects of parenting special needs children on adoptive mothers. They recognized that this particular member of the triad is often overlooked in a special needs adoption. The literature review presented the following issues:

1. stigmatization of adoptive motherhood.
2. infertility issues.
3. grief & loss issues
4. marital issues.
5. extended family issues.
6. behavioral alienation.
7. mother’s family of origin issues.
8. post-adoptive services.
9. mother-directed behavior.
10. culmination of stress.

The researchers then conducted intensive interviews with 14 adoptive mothers of special needs children. The mothers ranged in age from 22 to mid 50s at time of adoption and within all of the families the children had been within the family for over a year. All the participants had sought professional therapeutic help for their adoption experience after the placement of the child.

The findings of the interviews showed that “adoptive mothers of special needs children are faced with a broad range of issues relating to societal, health, emotional, family, financial, and child behavioral factors. The prevalence of these issues was not influenced by differing demographics, by ages of the children at the time of the adoption, nor by the types of adoption.” Wow, I guess that is a bit unexpected — lots of parents try to hedge their bet that they aren’t going to adopt a special needs child if they travel to a certain country, adopt a child under a certain age, etc.

And in case you’re wondering what “special needs” these children had — they had been diagnosed with disorders that included: ADHD, ODD, PTSD, RAD, conduct disorder, bipolar, asperger’s, dissociative identity disorder, depression, pervasive developmental delays, and separation anxiety disorder — you know, the usual!

It’s no surprise that 86% of the mothers interviewed felt that professionals were lacking in their knowledge of adoption-related issues. Seventy-one percent of the mothers said that their social workers were not helpful; and 79% said finding a qualified therapist for their child was very difficult.

Sadly 71% of the mothers said that they had developed physical health symptoms related to the stress of parenting their special needs child. These symptoms included heart palpitations, panic attacks, secondary PTSD, hair loss, headaches, insomnia, and GI problems. Sixty nine percent reported feeling depressed, and half of those interviewed had taken medications to combat the depression.

The researchers were surprised that 79% of the mothers reported feeling isolated, an issue not emphasized in the literature. The mothers reported feeling ostracized and misunderstood by friends and others in their community. Equally high percentages also reported that they felt intense anger at times, anger that overwhelmed them. And they also felt very inadequate as parents, even though, in many cases, they had successfully parented other children previously.

Of the respondents who were married, 100% said their child’s behaviors were more directed toward them than toward the child’s father, and the majority reported that their child was not accepting of the love they were given.

Despite all that, 64% reported that they would do the adoption over again, if given the chance.

The good news was that 57% of the mothers felt like they were NOT stigmatized by society for being adoptive mothers. What I think that means is that we are so busy treading water, trying not to drown in the stress of our lives, we don’t even notice the typical “adoption stuff” — you now the un-PC adoption language, the cultural issues, the subtle ways people treat adopted children and adoptive families different. We’re too busy moving from crisis to crisis.

So, if you want to be validated today…check out this report. It is good that someone recognizes our issues, our struggles, our tribulations. What someone will “do” to help us remains to be seen.

You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.