My youngest has at times been Left Behind because “I spent so much time trying to help [Joy} succeed that I didn?t spend enough time teaching the other children.”

You’ve reminded me of my many efforts to get Joy to work on her own. She HATES to be told to “go do this by yourself and I’ll check it later.” At the same time, she also HATES the help I give her — because I won’t simply tell her the answer, but want her to think about WHY it’s the answer. Very irritating mom-lady.

So at various points I have tried Independent Work Days with the kids, and I would give Joy her work in a folder and tell her to do her best, and I will look at it tomorrow. She hates it and will spend a good portion of her day moaning around, complaining bitterly about how she needs help NOW and doesn’t want to do it WRONG . . .

Part of this seems to be jealousy: when she sees me working with other people, particularly if we appear to be having fun, she wants to be there, too. (Except that when you do include her, things go south very quickly.) And another part of it is that she truly does NOT want to do it wrong. Not sure if it’s a terribly fragile self-esteem, or sheer laziness in having to correct and do over.

But here’s my EPIPHANY (and I’ve had this epiphany before, so now who’s not learning from experience?) . . .

Truly, I guess it is LOGICAL , that if you know in your heart of hearts that you DON’T learn from mistakes, then where is the benefit in making them? It’s just wasted time and energy in Joy’s view — and the negative side of me is starting to agree. If she does it wrong, and I correct her, and she has to re-do it, but consistently DOES NOT LEARN FROM IT, then what’s the point, really?

So she really IS acting logically — which leaves us where? (Ouch, now my head hurts !!) Thank goodness for prayer, or I could be on my way to serious fatalism.

Rachel