Elephants who have been in captivity can now retire in a place called The Elephant Sanctuary, in the rolling hills of southern Tennessee. Many elephants who have performed for years in circuses and zoos end up there. Many of those have been harshly treated or mistreated and show signs of trauma. At this 2,700-acre refuge, the caregivers specialize in “trauma recovery” of these animals they say have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). The sanctuary uses a method called “passive control” where no negative reinforcers are used (such as chaining, food deprivation or isolation). Instead the Sanctuary seeks to restore “agency” (which it defines as free will to be an instrument of change within our life).

And elephants are thriving. Humans are not allowed to dominate the elephants in this system, but instead to passively control what is going on and allow a trust and respect to build between the elephants and the caregivers. Great pains are taken to ensure that the elephants have both safety and freedom of choice. Currently 19 elephants reside on the refuge.

So what lessons are in this for parenting traumatized children?

First off, it was amazing and affirming to me that these folks recognized the effects of abuse, neglect, captivity on these elephants and are defining it as trauma – specifically PTSD. Yet, here we are as an adoption community not willing to openly say that abuse and neglect cause trauma in adoptive and foster children.

Secondly, the importance of bonding, safety, self-esteem and what they call “agency” is being stressed for these elephants – and is sound advice and the basis for solid therapeutic parenting.

Thirdly, the recognition that just by being removed from their mothers these elephants could be traumatized is significant. Again, if those who study the psychology of animals can understand this concept, why is it so difficult to understand that a break in the maternal bond puts a child at a severe attachment risk?

Finally, I think the idea of “passive control” is the crucial one for parents to examine. I think it’s at the heart for success with many children who have special challenges, but especially those who have traumatic pasts. It seems to me that this “passive control” may be defined a bit differently for these retired adult elephants who have spent their lives in captivity than for traumatized children trying to integrate into a family framework, but there are still important lessons to learn. “Passive control” sounds like an oxymoron if you think about it. If you’re passive, how can you be in control? If you’re in control, doesn’t that require dominance? And shouldn’t parents be in control (dominant) and not passive, but active?

I believe at the root of this theory, as well as many therapeutic parenting theories and attachment parenting techniques is the concept of balancing structure and nurture. It is in that elusive balance between structure and nurture that we are able to reach past the trauma and help the child (or elephant) see another way of looking at life, a way to heal. But that balance is difficult at best, and many times impossible to attain.

Those who come down on the side of allowing the child freedom of choice are correct (to an extent) in that we need to nurture our children’s ability to make choice. But not at the expense of their safety or the structure needed to help them feel safe. This is where I get hung up on the idea of negotiation and partnership with my child (children) like Nancy over on the Reactive Attachment Disorder blog discusses about a recent Fostering Families article. The truth is that when I became the parent I was put in charge. Being in charge means two things: 1. being responsible for and 2. being in control of. Put another way, because I’m expected to be responsible for, therefore; I’m in control of.

Of course you can error on the other side of this structure/nurture balance, demanding too much exacting compliance, becoming what the opponents of “controversial” attachment therapy call “coercive”. Too much structure is abuse. But what we as a society fail to realize (and holds true even for traumatized children), too much freedom is abuse, too. Too much freedom does not equal nurture. Nurture is much more than that. The best example I can think of for this is gardening. Gardeners are frequently described as nurturing their plants. Yet, nurturing means much more than just planting, watering and occasionally fertilizing. Some plants need weeding. Some even need pruning. Do the plants want you to pluck out their friends or cut off their branches? Probably not, but if you’re going to be responsible for them, you must nurture them, which means taking control.


More to come…

Photo credit