Deb on Open Adoption blogged about it yesterday…that feeling that among a group of moms you are considered “less than”. It happens to those who’ve adopted, but it happens to others as well.

I have been a “less than” mom for nearly 14 years now.. In one particularly annoying, reoccurring scenario, I often went to my stepdaughter’s elementary school (she’s in college now, so it’s been a while) to pick her up from the afterschool program. The same receptionist would ask me for my ID each and every time and state loudly for all to hear:

“You’re not her mother; you’re her STEPmother.”

One day she let out her Freudian slip and announced, “You’re not her REAL mother.”

I couldn’t resist. “I am very REAL. I’m her REAL stepmother.” Muffled, embarrassed laughter from all the adults in the room.

To this day, I don’t know why this woman was so determined to make me feel “less than”. I was only picking up the child. Was she going through a nasty divorce? Was she a good friend of my husband’s ex-wife? Regardless, it was my most blatant introduction into the caste system of motherhood.

Fast forward to present day. I have a lot of categories in which I can be a “less than” mom. I am an adoptive mom…again, I’m not her REAL mom, right? (Can you tell that one sticks in my throat?!?!) But even more damning, there’s something “wrong” with my adopted child. So there you have it…proof that I’m not as REAL as the rest, I have a child who is less than perfect.

Well, I’m not alone in that. For all you “less-than” moms of special kids, check out the “Shut Up About Your Perfect Kid” blog. These two sisters are parenting children with Aspergers and Bipolar Disorder respectively. And they have faced their share of “perfect” kids, and the moms who are raising them. After all, if your kid is perfect…you must be doing everything right. Therefore, the inverse must be true as well.

Patty & Gina look at life with a great deal of humor. Good medicine for us all. I have not read their book by the same name, but the promo on their website left a smile on my face:

Finally, a "Happy" Medicine for Parents of “Imperfect” Kids Without the Scary Side Effects.
From trips to self-centered therapists, to mothers experimenting with Ritalin, to the harsh reality of school calls (no good can come from them), “Shut Up About Your Perfect Kid!” goes where other books just haven’t gone, offering humorous support and inspiration for parents of “imperfect” children. Narrated by two "imperfect" sisters with “special” children, the book features a collection of entertaining and heartwarming stories from parents of children with a wide range of disabilities.

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