LuLu and I attended Vacation Bible School last week. I led her group of children (6 of them; all different ages) from station to station to learn the daily Bible story through crafts, drama, games and music. It was fun, exhausting and on a couple of days -- eye opening.

One day the lesson was about salvation (obviously; that's what Protestant VBS is about) and the discussion turned to reasons we needed to be saved, ways in which we have sinned. The discussion leader had us all huddled in our crews, sitting on the floor close together. She then announced that if any of us had ever told a lie or failed to tell the truth...ever...we were to bow our heads and close our eyes. Next she said if we had ever done anything to hurt someone in any way by our actions or our words or if we had ever wanted to hurt someone we were to link arms with the person sitting next to us. Finally, the leader said if we had ever taken something that didn't belong to us or used something without permission or even been jealous of something that someone else had that we didn't, we were to lean forward in our little circles until our foreheads touched each other. At this point the leader pointed out that everyone in the room had done something wrong; that no humans were perfect and hence the need for God and salvation (you know...the basic salvation message.)

The interesting thing was twofold. Two boys in my group INSISTED ADAMENTLY that they had NEVER done any of these things...never lied, never hurt anyone or never taken anything that didn't belong to them. They were deeply offended that it was even suggested that they might have done these things.

And then there was LuLu. Sitting to my left she IMMEDIATELY bowed her head, linked my arm and leaned forward. Her complete humility and surrender was amazing.

I discussed with my teenager as we traveled home (my teenager was one of the lesson leaders and had witnessed this scene) and we pondered where humility really comes from. How children (and adults, too) are able to see themselves for who they are (warts and achievements) and what that humility does for them.

The fascinating thing about the two boys is that they were the same two boys I had to break out of a fist fight earlier in the day because they were arguing about who would carry our group's bag (even though I'd already assigned it to one of them). They were not only punching each other but declaring their hatred. My brain shifted quickly into therapeutic parenting mode and I separated them, had them sit on the ground and breath deeply, and then kept my body strategically placed between the two the rest of the morning. They calmed, but not immediately. And they remained distant and angry the rest of the week.

So my question is how do kids learn to be humble and self-reflective? I know that emotionally disordered children find it harder to learn than others. But is how quickly you learn humility a result of your temperament or how you're parented? Or both?

I only knew the parents of one of the boys, not the other. The child I know is definitely strong-willed, he's smart, precocious (and well-liked in our church). His parents are good parents, but they are often amused at their son's precocious behaviors and he knows it. Does that make it harder for him to see his own faults? Or is it his temperament and strong-will? Is humility taught? If so, how?

And then there's LuLu, who has a list of sins, faults and misbehaviors that would stretch across the church parking lot and back again. Yet she was able to quickly identify the message was about and for HER.

Now I'm not big on guilt and am definitely against shame (which I define as unmerited guilt). But one thing that I believe is that until a person reaches the end of themselves and sees a need for humility of some sort, they are never going to see the world as it truly is...a place full of people who need each other. As long as we are trying to independently hold it together and think we have it all under control, we are going to be offended that someone suggests we have fallen short. And we are truly not going to be able to help or receive help from others. This is bound to cause a big internal conflict within ourselves. Which is why I think LuLu has learned this lesson. She sees her behaviors for what they are (inappropriate) and realizes at this tender age that she alone can not stop them, and that has led to her humility.

So what I learned at VBS that day was that while my LuLu may be light years behind others in many things...she is light years ahead of some in the lesson of humility.