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Ok, Super Dad has tried to tell me over the years. But, I did not want to listen. Why didn’t I want to listen or believe him? I suppose that would be admitting that our daughter is not going to get better. During her first year of living with us therapist, teachers, and foster care workers all praised her progress. Then she turned five and continued to make progress that surprised many. By the time she was six, I believed that her original delays were from lack of early stimulation. Yes, we could fix her and that year we adopted her.
She had always taken things from school. She would put them in her backpack and bring them home from pre-primary impaired class. Of course, we believed that she would stop stealing eventually. You know, once she understood about lying and stealing. Once she realized that all of her needs were being provided on a daily basis. However, she still hasn’t stopped stealing. She is almost 15.
Then I thought that the school wasn’t giving her the educational attention she needed. We began homeschooling her. If I just worked with her enough she would learn and prove every one wrong. But she didn’t. We did the exact same workbooks over and over again. Each time, was just like the first time she had seen the information. I began to get frustrated at her lack of effort.
We switched to computerized school. You know computers are endlessly patient. They never get tired or frustrated. She kept getting behind in her work and she was failing a couple of classes. We had her begin the failed classes again for summer school, just three classes of fourth grade material. Since it was her second time through them, it should only take a couple of hours each morning, right. Wrong, she is working all day, sometimes even after supper.
Finally, I removed all of the exams from the assignments. Today I checked and she is a week behind again, and failing one class. The computer places big red exclamation points beside overdue assignments. I pointed that out to her several times last semester. I asked why she was lying about being all caught up, again. This time, instead of the usual, “I don’t know,” she explained.
“But the computer says it is June 28th.” I checked, it said Saturday June 28 when you hold your mouse pointer over the clock. So I asked, “If today is Saturday, why are you doing school?” Another explanation instead of an “I don’t know,” we could be on a roll here. “Well, I didn’t really pay attention to that.” That was probably true, based on my more than 10 years of living with her. “Um Lyn, what holiday is it tomorrow?” She answered, “The fourth of July.” I questioned again, “What date would that make tomorrow then Lyn?”
Then it dawned on her, I could tell by the look on her face. The comprehension just is not there. This is why she cannot seem to understand fourth grade history. As you progress through school, you need to read for content and information. Then you answer questions about what you read.
Photo Credit: 2007 Julia Fuller.
I hate to admit it, but through you I think I am seeing the future ….. My daughter has FAS and just turned 6 ~ ~ we have to check her pockets and inside her dolls when we are leaving a store or someone elses house ……
Wendy
{{{{{{{{{{ Julie }}}}}}}}}}
My husband and I adopted 2 little boys who both were prenatally exposed (a lot) to alcohol and cocaine. There’s also reactive attachment disorder rearing its ugly head. We’re actually in the process of a divorce, not because of the boys, but because our marriage wasn’t strong enough to handle the daily, sometimes hourly, crises that befall many families with FAS/RAD children. We got little to no help from DCFS, and what help we did get we had to BEG for, and they treated us like we were scumbags because we asked for help. It’s a nightmare, to put it mildly. My health is down the tubes, emotionally and physically. I don’t want to go in to detail on this forum, because there are those who judge folks like us, when they haven’t walked in our shoes, and I doubt they could succeed any better than we have or try any harder than we tried. It’s not the kids’ fault. It’s the fault of the birth mothers who use drugs and/or alcohol during pregnancy. They need to be sterilized!
Oh, there IS hope on the honesty and stealing issues! Our FAS daughter didn’t “get it” on those issues until she was about 20. We still have some honesty issues ut they are far fewer, and no more stealing.
Our daughter is 10 and does not have FAS, but she does lye and steal and has issues with food. I have been searching the web for more information on this, but haven’t found much. We’ve been working with her for five years and ‘though she has improved, it’s still there. Sometimes I worry, but I have hope she will get over this behavior. Any help is appreciated.
I adopted a baby boy four years back not an infant. He was parentally exposed (a lot) to alcohol and drugs. When I came to know about this it made me very upset and depressed for a period of a year. Suddenly I came to know about rehabs center running in California. I went there with my boy and trust me by now he is totally saved by it.
Amy Cooper
drug-intervention.com