Check out this picture of my LuLu! It’s new to me; I just received it last night. We were at church for our usual Wednesday night events, when the new preschool director, a dear friend of mine, dropped this picture in my lap. She was cleaning out things at the preschool and found this picture from when LuLu was four. Apparently the proofs of this photo shoot were never sent home for the parents to order pictures.

LuLu’s first preschool experience was a good one, specifically because this woman who is now preschool director was her teacher. This woman, the mom of a child with special needs (albeit considerably milder than LuLu’s), almost instinctively knew the right balance of structure and nurture my child would need to fit into her classroom. And fit in she did. I have no doubt that many of the days with LuLu in preschool were challenging. But I don’t remember hearing that from her at the time.

The next year, in the same preschool, LuLu crumbled when a younger teacher, who just didn’t have that iron structure, tried incredibly hard to figure out how to handle LuLu’s various needs. It didn’t work, and I was not yet adept at my advocate mom role, so the preschool had the agonizing task of kicking out the child of a very active church family. It was a surreal situation that could have escalated into quite an ugly ordeal. Fortunately for all involved, we were kind to each other. I was wounded…but it was such a minor flesh wound given all the grander battles yet to be fought.

I’m overjoyed to have this picture. Truth is that I have very few formal pictures of LuLu. It’s been a luxury we have not made happen – too hard to get her to cooperate, too much money expended.

There’s a look of real happiness on her face here. I think this is partially what takes me by surprise. We were so deeply in the throes of sorting out what were attachment and trauma-related problems and what were the mysterious “something else” that she had yet to be diagnosed with. Some professionals had already identified that there was much more “wrong” than attachment and trauma – and we could see glimmers of her attaching to us through all the other behaviors and symptoms. This picture belies all that “something else” we saw every day. Instead, I’d like to believe it shows a rare glimpse at the “real LuLu” – the one I now know to have a sweet spirit, caring heart and rapidly developing sense of humor.

Let’s face it…under those massive chains of disability lies one truly wonderful kid. Isn’t she beautiful!!!!