LuLu’s bucket holds a lot of frustration and anxiety. Too much, and it overflow (or erupts). Because she has such complex, interwoven disabilities, lessening the frustration and anxiety in her bucket is the best way to help her, and give her the opportunity to use her self-regulating skills.

Here are some things I know that help to empty LuLu’s bucket:

1. Keeping the same schedule every day. No surprises or last-minute changes. It doesn’t matter whether it’s something she’s excited about doing or not, changing her plans produces anxiety.

2. Asking only one thing of her at a time. LuLu CANNOT follow multi-task directions. She is easily overwhelmed. Blame it on CAPD, language disorders, anxiety, ADHD, other processing deficits or a problem with short-term memory – whatever you’d like to blame it on. Truth is, she does much better if you ask her to do one thing at a time. Or if you write out a list of all that needs to be done and together check off the items.

3. Magnesium cream. I’ve sung the praises of this cream before, but it is a major tool in helping to lessen the burdens in her bucket as it starts to fill to the brim.

4. DHA, Cod Liver Oil and GLA. Keeping enough Omega 3s and 9s in this kid are essential. They keep her cingulated gyrus lubricated and help her to shift out of OCD mode and onto another activity. They also help with an overall calm.

5. Removing all frustration, anxiety or impatience from my own voice. She will hear any frustration as I talk, magnify it by 1000 and immediately fill her bucket with it. Remain calm at all times! I mean AT ALL TIMES!

6. Inserting enough praise to feed her spirit, but not over doing it! It’s a delicate balance for a child with ultra-low self-esteem and attachment/trust issues. They need the praise and positive feedback, but too much or done with the slightest exaggeration and they read it as insincere. And that hurts more than it helps…because they think you are a fake…and who can trust a fake?

7. Showing my little perfectionist my imperfect ways. When she gets stuck on how less-than-perfect she is, pointing out my mistakes is good medicine. Acknowledging we’re both human is good for our souls.

And here’s a few things that always fill LuLu’s bucket to overflowing:

1. Yelling at her. It’s an anxiety trigger to the max. Doesn’t matter whether she’s escalated or not…it’s the surest way to escalate her.

2. Telling her “no”. We’re still working on that one. It always agitates her to be denied a request. But she’s working on it. This is the one where that right balance of praise comes in handy.

3. Threatening her. Sadly adults threaten children all the time. We don’t mean to, but we do. Traditional parenting is full of phrases like, “If you don’t do this, I’ll…” And for most children this works ok. It’s a warning. But for children whose buckets fill easily, it is a perceived threat. Remember…traumatized children are on hyperalert!

4. Not recognizing her sensory overload. Noisy situations, crowds, laughter and applause are all culprits. On good days when there’s less in her bucket, she can navigate these situations. But often she can’t. Insisting that she stay in these situations is a recipe for disaster.

5. Not recognizing her academic frustration and pushing her too hard on a task. Reading and writing are challenging tasks for LuLu. Frequent breaks, high interest content and really engaging her in the work make it less stressful, but it is still difficult and not recognizing how hard she’s working to do something that may be simple to others…no wonder she’s frustrated!


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