So, does struggling with attachment and emotional illnesses change my view of adoption as being a wonderful way to create a family? NO WAY!

Debi's post (which has definitely provided me food for thought, since I'm getting two posts out of it) has a quote from Dr. Julie Bledsoe that doesn't surprise me a bit. (Dr. Bledsoe feels almost like family, since my Grandmother was a Bledsoe and my name is Julie....)

Dr Bledsoe says: "The survey found that 90 percent of the parents felt they were with the child they were meant to be with-and that's all comers, even people whose children have major medical problems," Bledsoe says. "Those are pretty good statistics. It speaks to the fact that bonding between a parent and child goes beyond an illness."

I participate in 4 different listserves of adoptive families whose children have attachment disorder and/or other emotional/mental illnesses. That represents about 2,000 families and I would be willing to bet that nearly 90% of those parents would also say that their child was meant to be in their family (in fact, I'm tempted to set up a poll and ask them)! Adoptive families who struggle with attachment disorder, PDD, bipolar, PTSD, FAS, the remnants of sexual or physical abuse or abject neglect are not anti-adoption. They are overwhelmed, under supported and totally misunderstood. They are pushed away by agencies, vilified by family and friends, and second-guessed by medical professionals who don't recognize the child's issues because of their lack of adoption experience.

Yet...these parents deeply love their kids -- are willing to go to the ends of the earth to reach through the illnesses and disorders to these kids...the same way many biological parents who face adversity with their children's illnesses do. If the probability that you will have to parent adopted children differently...with more intention to attach, to nurture, to provide structure, than biological children scares a prospective parent -- then maybe that parent isn't ready. It doesn't scare the parents I know who are living it, many of whom keep opening their homes and hearts to more and more children from all over the world.

As for us, there is absolutely NO doubt in any of our minds that each and every one of our children was meant for our family. My bio daughter has the same love for baseball as her stepfather (my hubby) has. My stepdaughter shares my red hair (genetically where did that come from???) and we get big chuckles when people say "she looks just like you!" Both my bio daughter and stepson are full of creativity and musical talent. And our adopted daughter has the same love for science as her father, the same sense of humor as her siblings, and she knock out her grammar homework in a way that makes her English major mom totally proud! There is no doubt in our mind that LuLu is right where she was destined to be...in our family!