I started to write this blog a few days ago to tell you how fortunate we are to have a circle of friends who are nearly like family to us. We’ve been going to church with these people for over 10 years, and they are dear enough to us that we see them usually twice a week, and share all kinds of life events. (One even went with me to help admit LuLu to the psych hospital this fall, since Super Dad was out of town.) I’m not sure how we would survive being several hundreds of miles away from all family members if we didn’t have friends who were close enough to take up the slack.

It is from this group of friends that the majority of babysitters for LuLu come. If she’s not with me, Super Dad, or Kay, she is with one of these other families…or their teenagers. And so it will be for New Year’s Eve.

Traditionally we go out to eat at a nice restaurant…a party of 12+. It takes prior planning and a fairly significant amount of cash. And while the dinner is usually delicious, we have to find someone’s house to retreat to for true socializing and awaiting the stroke of midnight. For a variety of reasons this year, we didn’t get the plans made and longed to do something different and allowed us just to take our time and be together.

So, we hatched a plan for a progressive dinner. And while trying to plan for 12 people to have a three-course dinner is a bit challenging (lots of phone calls and emails), it’s going to be a blast. It was my turn to step into the role of planner, so I’ve been on the phone most of the morning. And the children will be safely tucked away at my house with the teens watching the younger ones, so I don’t have to worry about LuLu doing damage to anyone else’s property.

I can’t imagine how much bleaker our lives would be without this circle of friends. None of them are parenting children with special needs…ok one boy has ADHD and anxiety issues that are troublesome. But the group knows us well enough to have a true picture on our situation. And if they think we are too strict or lenient as parents, they’ve kept those criticisms to themselves.

I cringe when I hear from other parents of children with special needs about how alone and outside they feel in typical social circles, and even at family events. I know we’re blessed when our friends quickly ask about dietary requirements and help us make special arrangements so we can participate. It helps to know they’re always praying for us as well.

Now, I’m going to take partial credit for developing the relationships with our circle of friends. We are totally honest and completely upfront with these people. We tell them what is happening, what our doctors say, and why LuLu acts the way she does. They listen, sometimes question, but are always supportive, even when they don’t understand. We don’t get defensive at their questions, but know that they are asked out of love and concern. And it helps that LuLu’s impairments are obvious enough to be seen by all. (In other words, she doesn’t always look like the perfect angel in public and act out only at home.)

There have been those who we have not been able to connect with, who have not understood our situation, our parenting methods, or LuLu’s behaviors. From those people, no matter how much we’d like to have them in our lives, we’ve just had to distance ourselves. You can’t pretend to be something you’re not to fit in with a group…and we are, and will always be, parents of a child with some very special needs.

My New Year’s wish for all of you parenting special children is that you would find, and cultivate, your very own circle of family and friends. And that they would be incredible comfort, support and joy in your lives.

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