I really did think I’d have a quiet, relaxing weekend after a week of “fighting the dragons” (LuLu’s term) in court last week. But alas, the phone kept ringing.

There were numerous well-wishers calling to check on our trial status. One was the mother of a kindergartener, adopted internationally. Once I gave her the update on us, I asked how her son was doing. Not good…

Her son is having some major problems at school, especially with the red light-yellow light-green light system for tracking behaviors. Her son has been on red or yellow nearly every day and is often very agitated about the system. It’s classroom procedure for the child to have to move their clip themselves from one place on the stoplight to the other as infractions happen. Not surprisingly, this is exacerbating the child’s behaviors.

Her son is becoming more aggressive toward her at home, since school has started. Overall, it’s very troubling. The child’s therapist told her, after observing the child in the classroom, that his behaviors are not due to his neurological impairments, but due to his RAD. I’m definitely confused by that statement, given what I know about the impact of trauma, abuse and neglect on a child’s neurological underpinnings.

The child is reporting that his teachers “make fun of him” and it makes him mad. Now, who are you going to believe? A child who has neurological impairments and mounting defiant and aggressive behaviors, or professional teachers? Well, it makes sense to believe the teachers, who, of course, would never “make fun of” a student. Except…

The evidence is the child’s behaviors are escalating, especially when he’s asked to move his clip for his misbehaviors. The child is stating a desire to “get even” with these teachers. So the truth of the matter is the child is feeling threatened, regardless of whether the teachers are doing anything THEY would believe is threatening. We’re talking about a traumatized child here, one that operates out of fear and shame. And whatever’s happening in that classroom apparently is triggering either his fear or shame, or both.

The therapist, upon hearing the child report his teachers were making fun of him told the mom that the child is obviously delusional and paranoid. Those are pretty heavy words for a 5-year-old. Why not consider that the child is fearful and responding out of his fight-flight-freeze reaction to trauma? Why not consider that the child can cue in on the frustration and dissatisfaction in the teacher’s voice and that may be enough to trigger him?

Now, I know there is danger in totally believing everything a child with RAD “says” because the triangulation factors are huge. And this mom, who is well-informed about her son’s issues, knows this too. Still, there is something going on in that classroom that is escalating that child. And he’s definitely getting the message he is misbehaving, and he’s acting on it negatively.

My heart aches for these parents as well. So many difficult choices and battles they must fight for this child. Children with neurological impairments (and in this case the parents have SPECT scans to prove global neurological dysfunction) are so misunderstood. And frankly, so are their parents. The basic assumption when a child is out of control at school is that the parents must not be doing something right to allow this child to learn this behavior, when in fact, something in the classroom setting or the child’s neurological impairments are triggering the child.

When trauma/PTSD/RAD is involved, untraumatized adults who have never been trained in this area can’t see the trauma. After all, what provokes fear and anxiety in a child is in the eyes of that child, not a judgment call by the adults around him.

Sigh, while it’s comforting to know that we’re not alone in our school system battles, it’s troubling to know how many children are not receiving the safe, positive supports they need to succeed at school.

So much work to do!