Children who come home to their forever family at an age older than a newborn are at increased risk for attachment disorders. These children have at least lived with their birth parents, foster family, orphanage, or multiple placements. Broken attachments cause trauma in children. Trauma can lead to attachment issues. If you place a child with attachment issues into a family with two working parents, you risk increasing their trauma. These children are already struggling with abandonment issues. What goes through their little heads each day when they are dropped off at childcare?

Obviously, these children would struggle each day with abandonment. Each morning they might relive the trauma of a broken relationship. They may live in constant terror of not seeing the parents again. It doesn’t matter if the adoptive parents tell the child we are here forever. These children have heard that line before from other people they loved.

Having a stay at home parent after adoptive placement for several months or longer is imperative. It is imperative to an older adopted child’s mental health and well-being. Until the child feels secure in the relationship, the risks continue.

Are there ways around a parent quitting a job to stay at home if the family truly cannot afford a stay at home parent? Perhaps the parents could work different shifts so that the child always has a parent home. Some parents are able to take a child to work with them, or work from home. If one parent is a teacher, perhaps you could arrange placement at the beginning of summer break. Others sell the new car to get rid of a payment, which reduces the needed income. Cooking at home is cheaper than fast food or restaurants. Yet they are more convenient when you work full time.

Are thinking about adopting an older child from foster care or internationally from an orphanage? Try to find a way to spend those first few months with your child. Give your child time to feel safe and bond with you. It could potentially save you many problems later.



Photo Credit: 2007 Julia Fuller.