I realize that lying is a normal stage in a child’s development. They all seem to go through it somewhere between five and nine years old from what I’ve seen. I guess it’s one of those signs of maturing, when they realize they can think for themselves and manipulate the world around them. They can exert their independence by not letting their parents or other significant adults know everything their thinking or doing.

Children raised in a chaotic unpredictable environment during infancy when their supposed to learn about trust and love seem to get stuck in this lying phase much to the frustration of their parents. We have always been consistent in expressing our expectations to our children about telling the truth. They know that consequences for misbehavior will be more severe if it is discovered that they lied when questioned. However our daughters, who were adopted between the ages of six and fifteen, all failed to make that connection.

For probably the last year our nine year old daughter has chosen to lie on a daily basis about school work, homework, putting her laundry away, brushing her teeth, just about everything I guess you could say. Now some of those lies have resulted in the natural consequences that I have no control over. Her recent visit to the dentist for a routine cleaning revealed six new cavities, a natural consequence of not brushing. She likes to suck on her tooth brush for two minutes when she’s supposed to be brushing. I smiled as I informed her that I had made two appointments for her fillings and she would be the one getting the shots in her mouth to numb her gums that would last most of the afternoon. That same day I had an appointment at the school for her conference where her teacher informed me that she had three “E’s” a “C” and a “B.” I smiled when I informed her that she would repeat the 4th grade, she would stay in the elementary and her friends would all move on to the junior high, miles away, and 5th grade.

When confronted with a child who is lying, it is important to first remember the child's age and developmental stage. Children under the age of 3 do not lie on purpose. This age group does not understand what they are saying and instead are just experimenting with language and new found facts about the world. They might also lie to avoid punishment because they understand the consequences but have an undeveloped moral code. Children from the ages of 3 to 7 often have problems separating the real world from fantasy. They might have imaginary playmates at this age and enjoy fairy tales and make-believe play. The lies told by this age group are mostly tales that they have made up, not intentional lies. By the age of 6 or 7, however, children understand what lying is, but will continue to cheat if able. Children from the ages of 6 to 12 understand what lying is and the moral wrongness of this behavior. However, children may continue to lie in order to test adult rules and limits. The child may admit to telling a lie, but usually he/she has many reasons for having done so. Rules are very important at this age, so cheating becomes less important. http://www.lpch.org/DiseaseHealthInfo/HealthLibrary/growth/liestl.html

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