This blog has stood empty all day because I can think of little to be thankful for that doesn’t sound contrived or trite. Truth is…I don’t feel very thankful today. It was one of those days when all the overwhelming aspects of my crazy life came crashing together. And for once they had little to do with LuLu’s disability (save for if she was in school, I could get the rest of my life done!)

I think the thing that is hardest about the challenges in my life right now is the unpredictability of it all. Ironically enough, parents of special needs children understand how important predictability and routine are for their children. And I work very hard to establish routines for LuLu. But predictability is increasingly important to me as well. If I can’t control my schedule, what can I control??? And it seems like I have little to no control over any of it.

Today was election day (you all knew that already) and the fair state of GA closes their schools on election day. Now Ladybug Elementary wouldn’t have been closed, except that a friend had asked me to keep her special needs son while she and her husband traveled across state for a meeting about their foster daughter. How could I say no? After all, I know this child and he feels safe in our home. And the parents feel confident leaving him here. And their reason for needing me was because of the importance of this meeting for their foster daughter.

Originally, knowing that school was out for today, I had planned it as a “work day” on some projects I agreed to do for some of my old clients. The projects are due on Friday and I thought I’d get KayKay to stay with LuLu in the afternoon and meet with these clients. Sigh…once I knew this other youngster was coming, it wouldn’t have been prudent to leave both children with KayKay. Besides, she had the opportunity to travel to Nashville for the day to visit a dear friend who has cancer, so how could I say no to that?

So, in the matter of just a few moments on Sunday my entire plan for Tuesday flew out the window. I suggested to this child’s mom that we would swap caretaking and perhaps she could help me out Wed am with LuLu so I could make an appointment with the clients then. She agreed and I called my clients.

Then the mom called to tell me that the agency worker had mixed up the dates and after driving for 2 hours they discovered the meeting isn’t until tomorrow! While they met with some of the DFCS folks anyway, they have to make the trip again tomorrow! So, I’m scrambling to figure out what to do next.

I’ve been sorting through this mess all day, trying to come up with something I feel thankful about. And I can’t come up with much.

I’m thankful that LuLu went to bed tonight without too much of a fuss (even after a slight confrontation with the dog…which is a whole other depressing topic at this point!) I’m thankful for safe travels for KayKay and for Super Dad, who flew out to Puerto Rico for work today (and called to tell me he had an ocean-side room at a resort…grrr….)

I’m thankful for the opportunity to vent this and to know that tomorrow I’ll wake with a new perspective and likely many blessings to inspire my continued Project Thankful!

And I am thankful for clients who continue to seek me out even though I’ve let my business go to care for my child. It is empowering to know they care enough about me and my work to want me to do these projects for them. So much so that they put up with my quirky schedule and my slower response time.