I can’t get too deep into my “I’m thankful” mode without thinking about my church. The longer I’m a member of the United Methodist church the more I’m convinced I’m a United Methodist. Actually my family is grappling with a tragedy that happened in the family of one of KayKay’s friends last week – suicide. This event and all of its subsequent questions sent me in search of our church’s stance on many things. I have been in a definite funk trying to figure out how to resolve things in my own mind, comfort and counsel my own child and support her as she supports her dear friends. When it rains it pours around here! Besides treading water on our own trials and tribulations, we never seem to be lacking for others’ to reach out to. That, I believe is part of God’s plan, giving us opportunities to comfort others and not get too caught up in our own problems.

But I’ve digressed from my thankful thought for today… I was surprised to learn that there is an official United Methodist stance on adoption. Here it is:

Children are a gift from God to be welcomed and received. We recognize that some circumstances of birth make the rearing of a child difficult.
We affirm and support the birth parent(s) whose choice it is to allow the child to be adopted. We recognize the agony, strength, and courage of the birth parent(s) who choose(s) in hope, love, and prayer to offer the child for adoption.

In addition, we also recognize the anxiety, strength, and courage of those who choose in hope, love, and prayer to be able to care for a child.

We affirm and support the adoptive parent(s)' desire to rear an adopted child as they would a biological child. When circumstances warrant adoption, we support the use of proper legal procedures. When appropriate and possible, we encourage open adoption so that a child may know all information and people related to them, both medically and relationally. We support and encourage greater awareness and education to promote adoption of a wide variety of children through foster care, international adoption, and domestic adoption.

We commend the birth parent(s), the receiving parent(s), and the child to the care of the Church, that grief might be shared, joy might be celebrated, and the child might be nurtured in a community of Christian love.

Now I’m sure we could nit-pick the language and the details of this, and perhaps others find this wording offensive. But there is much about this stance that I appreciate – much I think they got right. First I appreciate that the church recognizes that there is “agony” in the birth parents’ decision, and that it acknowledges the strength and courage it takes as a birth parent to allow your child to be adopted (as well as the hope, love and prayer.)

Likewise, the statement acknowledges the adoptive parents’ “anxiety” (something I’m not even sure all adoptive parents readily acknowledge), as well as their strength and courage. Adoption, regardless of your position on the triad, is not for the weak and faint-hearted!

I like the encouragement toward open adoption and toward sharing information not just for medical reasons, but for relational reasons as well. Obviously there are tons of circumstances where it is to the child’s detriment to keep contact with unsafe birth parents, and there are situations like ours, where finding birth parents is most likely impossible. But when “appropriate and possible”, an open relationship seems to be the most healthy option.

I also like the closing paragraph, that acknowledges both the grief and joy that surround adoption (and leads with the grief). Too often society (like in the example of Rosemond saying adoption is no big deal) wants to gloss over the grief associated with adoption. But the profound joy adoption can bring is born of this grief…so the grief can not be ignored. This lesson of obtaining joy from sorrow is such a valuable, precious lesson. And from my experience, adoption (and the hope, love and prayer it takes) exemplifies this lesson time and time again. And that is a true reason to be thankful.