For reasons I can not explain, I volunteered to teach a Parenting Your Teenager Bible Study at my church. I can explain why my committee felt the church needed such an offering, but not why I was the proper choice for the job.

My older stepchildren chortled at the idea. "Like you had a lot to do with raising us..." On one level they are right, since I was the non-custodial stepmom. But on another level they truly are clueless to all that "raising" a child means...a fact they may get when they are, say, 30 and parents themselves?

Anyway, I AM raising a teenager now, and a special needs pre-teen. The study is a video series by two Christian psychologists, and it contains some very powerful and useful information. Last night's lesson covered depression and anger (two topics NOT unfamiliar to me.)

After watching the video, I innocently asked the group, "So what do you think?" Immediately one woman, who I do not know well, launched into a lengthy diatribe of how she didn't agree with the video because at one point the presenters were differentiating between what they called "exogenous" depression (brought about by external sources) and "endogenous" depression, which they defined as biological and in need of psychiatric interventions, possibly medication. It was the "possibly medication" concept that caused her heartburn. She went into great detail about researching anti-depressants and KNOWING that they CAUSE depression by stimulating cortisol in the brain. Her argument sounded very scientific and was very condemning of psychiatry and of people who used it. She kept emphasizing that there were numerous natural alternatives for depression and that people have the ability within themselves to change their internal self-talk, thereby curing their depression.

While in any other context, I would have agreed with many of her points- there are natural alternatives for treating depression AND people do have the ability to change their internal self-talk and work toward healing their depression, I couldn't let the universal condemnation of psychiatry stand unchallenged. As I quickly scanned the faces of the other members of the class, I could read their uncomfortableness. Many of them know me much better than this woman does and know that LuLu is on a variety of psychiatric medications AND natural supplements AND sees a therapist regularly. They may or may not know that we have (and use or have used) Zoloft, SAM-e and St. John's Wort -- all different, but effective for depression. They were nervously anticipating my response...

"I'm sorry, but I disagree," I began. (This was a huge step for my non-confrontational self.) I went on to explain that like the psychologists on the video, I believe there are times when the brain chemistry needed to be altered by medications. And that I would be remiss in not telling the class that if medications are needed they should seek a psychiatrist (not their family doctor). She started to object, but I kept going. I related that just this week on a support group listserv the topic had been how parents feel shunned by their churches when their children either don't heal or the parents have to turn to psychiatry to heal their children. Parents were actually saying that some church folk had the audacity to imply (or actually say) that the parents' faith wasn't great enough because the child had a mental illness that needed medication intervention or wasn't resolved easily. I then went on to say that I believe that God provides healing numerous ways and that God made psychiatrists.

The woman responded with, "God made Judas, too." (I found this especially ironic, given that LuLu's psychiatrist works for a Christian counseling center and probably doesn't believe she is Judas.) This statement was a blatant foul in my book! (I kept waiting for the referee to blow the whistle and then realized that since I was the teacher, I WAS the referee.) So I diverted the conversation, but asked her if she could agree with me on these points: 1. that depression sometimes was due to a change in brain chemistry; 2. that the chemical change sometimes required more than just parenting interventions to resolve; 3. that depression or other mental illnesses were NOT character flaws or due to lack of faith(of either the parent or the child). She readily agreed that all these points were true. I concluded by saying that I knew there were several good natural supplements for dealing with depression, and they may have fewer side effects than medications. But they may not be side-effect free, or appropriate for everyone. So parents needed to do their homework before making a decision, but shouldn't count out any option until they'd considered it. She squirmed a bit at that conclusion, but accepted it.

The class continued on, and parents came up to me afterward thanking me for "handling" that situation. One mom, a friend of mine, let me know her daughter was currently on anti-depressants and she was very disturbed and wondering if she should speak out when I jumped to her defense. It wasn't her defense in particular I was jumping to - I had no idea her daughter was on medication.

Complex illnesses can not be solved with simple answers. Absolute statements are so...well...absolute. If raising LuLu has taught me anything it is to never say NEVER and to stop that absolute judgement of others until I explore what it is like from their side of things.

God did make psychiatrists, and natural supplements, and special needs children, and parents. And He uses all things for good.