It took me less than a second to make up my mind – I would use fear as a tactic.

“Jay, listen to me. Remember when we talked to your psychologist? He said if you didn’t start cooperating more at school the school would try to send you to a school for the emotionally disturbed?”

Part: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Jay nodded.

“That school would mean they’d make you live there, away from your dad, Craig and me. You’d have to live there all the time.”

Jay shook his head no and scrunched down into a ball more. However, I knew he was listening.

“Now your dad and I don’t want that. You’re our son and we love you and we’d fight it every step. We’d pick up and move even to make sure it wouldn’t happen.”

Jay didn’t move, but I could tell he was waiting to hear more.

I started talking fast. “Now, you are in one of those modes right now where only you can help yourself. I need to get you into the car – it’s safe and where you’re at isn’t safe. If you won’t get up, then I have to call the police to help me. They might not understand your issues and think I can’t parent you right.” I paused. My stomach felt acidic and my head pounded. “If they think that Jay, then they’ll take you and unlike the school – there’s nothing I could do about it. They wouldn’t give me a choice and it’d take a long time for me to fight and get you back.”

I hated telling Jay this. It was a big bluff – I’d sit down at that park all day if that’s what it took. No way was I calling the police. However, there was a part of me in a real panic because in the future, this could be the truth. If Jay was in a situation and really, really lost it and the people around him didn’t know him or know about or understand his hidden disability someone calling the police was a real possibility.

“Listen to me. You have two choices. You can get up, go to the car, get in and buckled and be safe. You don’t have to talk to anyone. You don’t have to even get out of the car once we get to Dan’s. You can sit there and decompress all day. That’s okay. Your other choice is for me to call for help. I explained to you what that means.” I stood up. “Now, what is it going to be?”

Without a word or looking at me, Jay got up and walked towards the car.



Check the 'Raising Jay' category for more in this series.

*Dan and Kathy are my son Craig's grandfather and aunt on his birth dad's side. Their names have been changed to protect their privacy.

*Baby-in-laws is how we refer to being family to one another through open adoption. One day I told Dan that he feels like my in-law but wasn't sure how that worked since he wasn't Jimmy's dad. He said we're baby-in-laws! The name has stuck.

You can email me at specialkidsblogger@adoptionmail.com