Jay was close to the fence and walking down to the gate. Right then my fear turned into rage. It made the anger I had felt earlier seem like a fluffy pillow fight. This was full on, can’t see straight, think clearly rage. That kid was going to get himself hurt or killed. I spun around and ran hard back to the car.

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Jimmy and Craig were already waiting and buckled. I jumped in on the driver’s side and got us in motion. I needed to navigate traffic and make three left turns to get to the other side of the block. Jay would already be out of the fence but at least I’d have a chance of moving around faster to find him. I had no plan on how I was going to get him into the car, but I didn’t care. I was going to get him in there one way or another.

I was fueled by my thoughts while driving. How dare Jay put himself in a dangerous situation? How dare he walk away from me when I was the one helping him? How dare he pull this kind of stunt?

I hated it when he was like this. Why did we take him anywhere? Were we ever, ever, ever going to be able to go somewhere without the fancy two-stepping, ear-whispered guidance and nervousness and worry that he’d have a public melt-down?

When was it going to stop?

As I started to make the last left turn, I saw that Jay had not left the park. Instead he slumped himself down next to the fence gate. He was still on the inside of the park. Perhaps our jumping in the cars and speeding off took the power out of his rant. Maybe he thought I called his bluff and was actually leaving him. Whatever, I didn’t care about his thoughts or feelings at the moment. I just wanted to get him into the car.

I saw that Dan and Kathy had finished making their turn and parked across the street, waiting for us.

I finished my turn with a harder yank to the steering wheel and parked on the opposite side of the street. We faced oncoming traffic. I got out of the car and ran to Jay.

I was not going to let him dash off again.

Check the 'Raising Jay' category for more in this series.

*Dan and Kathy are my son Craig's grandfather and aunt on his birth dad's side. Their names have been changed to protect their privacy.

*Baby-in-laws is how we refer to being family to one another through open adoption. One day I told Dan that he feels like my in-law but wasn’t sure how that worked since he wasn’t Jimmy’s dad. He said we’re baby-in-laws! The name has stuck.


Read all the posts in this series: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
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