One of my readers commented on one of my blogs that my teenage daughter with FAS might be having trouble with self- regulating. She felt it would explain why my daughter is only able to control herself while I am at home. When I leave, even for brief periods, she inevitably gives the person in charge a difficult time; she sneaks, lies, abuses her assumed authority, and destroys property; for several years, my own mother wouldn’t baby-sit for her. The suggestion that she couldn’t behave because she is unable to regulate herself intrigued me, so I decided that I should do some research and then blog on it.

The brain constantly senses and responds to what the body needs by monitoring internal systems like oxygen or sugar levels, and the external world like; there’s snow, it’s cold, get a coat. When the sense that something is wrong activates the brain's alarm systems, then some type of action is necessary to fulfill the body’s needs. Internal regulation takes place without our awareness automatically. As children mature, the brain begins to require active participation in some of the body’s regulation, such as fulfilling thirst, or the “fight or flight” response to danger.

When the body’s systems are able to develop normally through repetitive exposure to controllable situations, in a safe and responsive setting with low levels of anxiety or distress, then children learn how to deal with challenging situations in an age appropriate way. For example, after thousands of cycles of hunger, discomfort, distress, then response and satisfaction from a loving parent providing a bottle, the child has learned that the feeling of discomfort and distress will soon pass. By the time children reach adulthood, they have learned to read their own bodies’ signals, and therefore can deal with challenges in thoughtful and creative ways. However, when the body’s systems are not able to develop normally because of continuous exposure to unpredictable or severe stress, lack of oxygen in utero, or other developmental insults, the child develops a hyper-reactive stress-response system that may include impulsive behaviors and difficulty regulating sleep and diet.

We all have times when we mislabel feelings due to sleep deprivation, illness, physical exhaustion, or family distress. The alarm response to the body’s needs, and the feelings that result from frustration, are similar to the feelings caused by fear. With the learned capacity to put time between feelings and actions, time is utilized to think, plan, and quickly decide on appropriate responses to challenges. An example would be tolerating the frustration of waiting in line to get what you want, like a rollercoaster ride, even though you can’t get it immediately.

Children with poor self-regulation can disrupt an entire classroom and their family with their impulsivity, their tendency to overreact to minor things, and their hypersensitivity to transition. Children who are inattentive and hyperactive can benefit from structure, predictability, and enrichment; increased freedom and flexibility will result in them demonstrating their uncontrolled behaviors. Provide options and choices whenever possible, just make sure all choices or options are feasible and safe.

Related Reading:
What is FAS or FAE
Adopting Special Needs Children
The Great Temper Tantrums
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