Why should siblings be placed together if they don’t know anything about each other? Perhaps a baby was born 10 years after an unrelated family adopted an older sibling. They don’t need to know about each other, do they? Everybody gets a baby, everybody is happy, and it is all shrouded in secrecy.

In our family, we had one scenario that turned out wonderfully, another that turned out tragically. Individual workers, based on their personal philosophies of what constituted a sibling, made both decisions.

At the time of the best-case scenario, we had a five-year-old adopted son who was placed with us through foster care as a newborn. I periodically kept tabs on his birth parents, although his mother’s appointed guardian prohibited any contact. I was aware that his birthmother was living in the next county when I received a phone call from a local DHS worker, with whom our family had worked extensively.

She told me that DHS in the next county was asking questions about my five-year-old son’s closed foster care case. I thanked her for the information and immediately contacted that county, because there could only be one reason why they would want information on a closed case. The birthmother of our son had given birth to another child.

I didn’t know the gender or the name of the newborn, so I simply stated that I knew G had given birth to a baby, we had adopted the sibling, we were licensed with the same agency, and we were requesting placement. If transportation was a problem, we were willing to transport. The next day they delivered our son’s baby brother to our home.

Currently the boys are seven and 12. They know they have the same birthmother and they have a very close and special relationship because of that knowledge. Yes, they fight and argue. Sometimes they even say, “Why did you have to adopt him?” But, they love each other, they are growing up together as brothers, and someday they will know each other’s children. Best case scenario and the way the system is supposed to work.

The following article contains excellent points regarding sibling placement. Youth Leadership Advisory Team Position Paper: Siblings in Foster Care and Adoption All Content © YLAT 2002

Separated siblings are robbed of future family connections as well; they may never know their nieces and nephews, and their children will miss out on knowing aunts and uncles.
65% - 85% of children entering the foster care system have at least one sibling.
30% of youth in foster care have four siblings or more.
75% of siblings end up apart when they enter foster care; three out of four children placed in foster care are separated from at least one sibling.
The separation from sibling(s) is like an extra punishment, a separate loss, and another pain that is not needed.
Generally youth don't need to be separated and protected from siblings. The Department of Human Services understands the importance of the sibling bond.
Visitation between siblings should be made a priority with a documented case plan. Valid reasons must be provided for failure to implement a visitation plan. Sibling visitation serves many purposes. The primary purposes of sibling visitation are:
Preservation of the sibling relationship and bond.
Providing healing from impact of separation from one another, family and familiar environment
Enhancing healing from trauma and understanding each other because of their shared experiences in their family and their shared history.
Supporting one another is their current situations; it is a genuine and irreplaceable relationship.
Providing support through developmental changes and growth.
Establishing healthy bond between siblings who may or may not have had any significant prior relationship or bond with one another is essential.
Strengthens youth's self esteem through acceptance, unconditional love and sense of belonging.
Strengthens youth's relationship skills through support, resolving conflicts with one another and communication.

“Valid reasons must be provided for failure to implement a visitation plan.”Again, this small and simple statement is the cause of the problem. With our situation which went terribly wrong, this phrase is what provided the legal ground for the other family to adopt my daughters’ younger sister. She had already been in her current placement for over a year when we found out about her. However, DHS knew about us, we had a current license, and they did not inform us of the placement or ask if we were interested.

The child was returned to her parents for a brief period and I asked DHS to put a note in her file to contact us if she came back into care. Again, they did not do this. They never substantiated valid reasons for not contacting us, and they denied visitation because she was already bonded to her foster family. Then they denied our application for adoption because she had a significant bond to them.

To whom are these valid reasons to be provided to? By the time the adoption gets to the state MCI office, the child has been in a placement for two or three years. At that point, to correct a worker’s blunder, would cause significant emotional harm to the child.

Contact your state representative.
Contact your state senator.
Who’s a Sibling in Adoption? Who isn’t?
Why should siblings be placed together?
Read more on older child
adoption
Read more about foster care adoptions.