This morning I was running a little late when the phone rang. Even though I didn’t have much time to talk, I answered it anyway when I saw who it was. It was an adoptive mom of six children with at least 10 years of experience parenting special needs children under her belt. We had run into each other at the dentist a couple of months ago and chatted for about 30 minutes about the similarities in our 10-year-old daughters’ behaviors. “Hi Julia, Do you think it would be alright to send my daughter to school with her glasses taped on her face?” I was a bit stunned by her question. Admittedly, I have been frustrated myself when a child doesn’t show any improvement in behavior after three years of consistently using consequences.

For several years, I mentored new foster parents. It was interesting and I developed several friendships that I have kept over the years. Occasionally, someone I mentored, but haven’t kept contact with, will call me out of the blue to ask a question or seek advice. This parent falls somewhere in between. Periodically we run into each other because we frequent the same establishments. When we see each other, we catch up on adoption and behavior issues.

It seems that her ten-year-old daughter had purposely destroyed her new glasses. She snapped them in half at the bridge and twisted them until the metal was exposed. Then she used the metal to gouge the lenses leaving deep scratches. Of course, they were beyond repair; no part of them was salvageable she had made sure of that. She has a long history of vandalism that is not improving with time.

I asked if her daughter could pay to replace the glasses. However, her daughter is already paying the school and classmates out of her allowance for damages. Apparently, there isn’t any left over. I suggested she give her daughter extra chores. Of course, she had already told her daughter that would be her consequence.

I told her it wouldn’t be a good idea to send her daughter to school with her glasses taped to her face. She agreed she already knew that it was over the top. Sometimes it helps just to tell someone who understands your frustration.

Photo Credit Flickr Creative Commons
Tanakawho 2006