When I leave the house, even just for a few minutes, some of my adopted children seem to go crazy. They have been known to grab food and run to their bedrooms, throw temper tantrums, threaten to runaway, or begin making random telephone calls. One of my readers suggested there was a problem with one of my adopted daughter’s ability to self-regulate. When I attended a support group meeting last week I brought the issue up with the therapist running the group.

The therapist felt the problem was driven by anxiety and she had an idea that she thought might help. She suggested that I tell an anxious child that I am about to leave, but that I want the child to call me in 10 minutes to make sure everything is alright. When the child calls, I might suggest that she call me again in 20 minutes, to check in. If I will be gone for several hours, the child may need to call every hour to avoid extreme anxiety.

The therapist leading the support group indicated that she had used this method of telephoning the absent parent successfully in several cases. She had counseled traumatized children who were attending public school and stealing or exhibiting other anxiety driven behaviors. She convinced the school, albeit not easily, to allow the children to call home periodically throughout the day. They began to see the behaviors diminish after a few days.

I have asked my daughters in the past to do only what they would do if I were home. I suggested they verbally ask themselves, “Would I do this if mom were here.” That method has not worked. Therefore, I am willing to give this method a shot and see how it goes. I’ll keep you posted.

When adopting children older than newborns, we need to be cognizant of their past losses. If their birth parents didn't come back to them, why would you. That would certainly cause anxiety.

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