One of the criticisms that is always levied on homeschoolers is that their children do not get the same socialization as children who are sent to school. I listened in as a group of homeschooling moms of special needs kids discussed this over the last few days, and they made some valid points:

1. Not much true socialization is taking place during most school days for any student. When do children get to practice their socialization with their peers – during lunch and recess. In many districts, recess times are dwindling as teachers prepare the children for more and more standardized testing. And the lunchroom…how conducive is that to socialization for special needs kids?
2. Bullying and harassment impede socialization. And bullying of special needs students is commonplace, by other students, and sadly by educators too. In the ideal world neurotypical students and disabled students could be educated side by side and the healthy students would learn diversity, tolerance and compassion from working with those who have special needs. In the reality of most school situations, this is not what’s happening. And if the child’s disabilities manifest themselves through behaviors then he/she is even more of a target.
3. Special kids are often pulled out. Whether a special needs child is in a self-contained classroom all day or is pulled out during specials or recess for speech or other interventions, there’s a good chance that our children are not even receiving the same amount of chances at typical peer interactions as healthy kids are during a day.
4. Social skills lessons in most schools are sorely lacking. As any parent of a child on the autistic spectrum will tell you, teaching social skills is a deliberate and daunting task. Even if a special needs child is in a social skills “class” at school, the chances are this is more of a “rules-focused” lesson from the teacher or school counselor, instead of a hands-on practice time. In our case, my daughter actually had a trauma reaction to a colorful poster of “rules” that was posted in a counseling office we visited not long ago. It was the same rules poster she’d been drilled on at her school, and she realizes, much to her shame and pain, that she frequently breaks these rules and can not control her behaviors…there’s that remorse over what she can’t control showing up again!
5. Where did you learn your social skills? This question intrigued me when another mother asked (and then answered). The adults in the world of a child are both the models and teachers for social skills, not the child’s peers. Now by the time typical teenagers are teenagers they have (hopefully) acquired enough social skills to interact more successfully with peers and learn the more complex concepts of group acceptance, peer pressure, infatuation, betrayal and all the other delightfully painful adolescent lessons. But special kids, vulnerable kids may never be ready or fully cognizant of these complex relationships. Greetings, manners, reciprocal conversation, genuine concern for another, clear communication…these are all learned from our parents, extended family, church family and other adults who are active in our young lives. To expect those things to happen in a large school setting where the students outnumber the teacher 25 to 1 is really unrealistic.
These homeschooling moms made some great points in their discussion. So much of it rang true for me. The fact that homeschools have much smaller ratio and have more opportunities for the child to have direct, meaningful interaction with an adult has got to make socialization better. The fact they are often taught by the child’s parent, who is ultimately responsible for the child, means that the teacher has a vested interest in seeing the child is truly taught social skills.

The problem for some is finding the opportunities for their special child to participate with peers and get a chance to actually practice his/her social skills.

If you’re looking for resources on homeschooling your special kid check these out:

Homeschooling SpecialKidz Yahoo Groups

Homeschool Central Special Needs Links

Deciding to Homeschool