When your toddler brings you flowers, just flowers, no stems, you think it is cute and sweet. You’re happy that your toddler is beginning to think about how others feel. You tend to cherish these memories when your child is grown. But, how would you feel if your eight or twelve year old child continuously brought you flowers without stems?

If she was trying to make me happy, then I should be grateful. Yet, I always wondered if she was really trying to make me happy, or if it was passive aggressive behavior? Feelings of guilt, would then assail me, not only for questioning her motives, but also because I didn’t want the flower tops from her.

She came to live with us at the age of seven as a foster child with her older sister. She could already read quite well, and by the time she reached the fourth grade, she was scoring in the 90th percentile on national standardized test. Therefore, the problem wasn’t her IQ, which caused her to pick just the flower tops.

I’m sure she would see my face light up, when my three-year-old son would bring me a flower. Perhaps she wanted to make my face light up like that for her. If she had never picked flowers before, then maybe she didn’t know any better, the first time.

I explained to her, that I really needed the stems left on so I could put the flowers in a vase, then I would be able to water them. Initially, I thought this little talk would take care of the issue; after all, she was very intelligent. She wanted to please me, didn’t she?

Well, the little talk didn’t take care of the stemless flowers; she continued to bring me her special bouquets for years. She also began making projects just for me at Sunday school, at summer camp, and at school. She would hand them to me with such pride, and they would always have her name on them along with, “To Mom.”

I thought that eventually she would learn to clean the extra glue off her projects. We belonged to a 4-H craft club, where we made special projects each month to enter in the county fair, so she had plenty of practice. Occasionally, one of her projects would be “held back” by a judge, which meant she was doing good work.

Somehow, the projects made “just for me” were always crooked, painted outside the lines, or slightly chipped. I would feel so guilty for not really appreciating them and not wanting to display them. I even wondered how she could not feel embarrassed about other people seeing her workmanship.

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