Super Dad has been a bit frustrated lately. Things have been building up (over the last 18 months or so), and I think it’s partly because we both thought that our lives were only going to be temporarily altered by the due process hearing with the school and ultimately life would go back to some point of equilibrium. And, that hasn’t worked out at all like we planned.

I never dreamed that I would have to give up working at my consulting business entirely, and take on the full-time job of teaching LuLu. Super Dad wasn’t planning on a permanent reduction in household income, or a wife who now was preoccupied with a court case AND learning how to teach her daughter.

Then there is LuLu herself, and the changes that she’s made (or hasn’t made) in the last several months. We’ve thrown a lot of therapies and interventions at her (biomedical, HBOT, speech therapy, OT, medicine changes). And Super Dad’s assessment is that she’s not doing that much better in many areas. He has a point. Of course, if you take into account the fact she’s hit puberty and all we’ve discovered about her hormone levels, whose to say we aren’t making progress just by holding our ground.

The truth is, you can always see the situation the way you want to see it. And, the thing about special needs children is that you’re never looking at a linear progression. And the parent most under stress at any given time is the one most likely to see the half-empty glass.

The other source of Super Dadn's frustration is the growing realization that LuLu may not “get better” enough way to function as an independent adult with all the normal life experiences (graduating high school, going to college, living on her own, having a family). With each passing year, these hopes and dreams seem a bit less likely.

Oddly enough, I’m just not in that place in my thinking right now. I keep seeing glimmers of hope in her academic progress and in her ability to use her calming tools at times when she starts to escalate. I also see a general “awakening” of the people and world around her.

I don’t’ know if this happens in other marriages where the couple is parenting a child with a disability, but we seem to counterbalance each other’s moods. When one of us is about ready to throw in the towel, the other one is saying “hang in there” and seeing the glass as half full. When you can work this to your advantage, you can “tag team” the child, letting the parent who is at the end of his/her rope have an opportunity to get away and recompose.

But, as the mom, I sometimes forget about how LuLu’s progress, or lack thereof, affects Super Dad.. I forget that we don’t always see everything the same way or that he doesn’t see what I see or know what I know. Sometimes I flat out forget to communicate with him. And that opens up a whole potential host of problems.

And is usually a huge signal that it’s time to reconnect…

Photo: Super Dad with all the kids!