We have a teenage daughter who has FAS (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome) whom we adopted at the age of six. Conversations with her can be difficult. Sometimes she misinterprets our words and sometimes she acts before we finish talking. There are even times when we tell her very clearly what she should do, but she does something else. She seems to have preconceived ideas about what she is going to do and doesn't really listen to our instructions. The older she gets the worse these habits seem to be getting. Life with her at home can be quite challenging. I find myself being frustrated with her more than pleased. That is why yesterday I invited her to go horseback riding with me. Sometimes teenagers and children talk better with adults if they are not looking them right in the eyes.

I admit that I even got a little frustrated getting the horses ready. Our daughter seems to have one speed and that is slow. By the time I brushed my horse, cleaned the hooves of both horses, and sprayed them with fly repellant, she was still brushing her horse. I ended up saddling and bridling both horses as well. Finally, we headed off back down our lane.

Trying to talk with my teenage daughter was still difficult because she would not ride beside me. Most of the time she was about 20-feet back and I had to keep asking her to move up so we could talk. We raced a couple of times and that was fun. She bounced around excessively in her saddle so I reminded her a couple of times to stand slightly. Did I mention that she had three years of riding lessons?

At first many of her answers were, “I don’t know,” the same ones I get at home. Then I began talking about my childhood. How I had always wanted a horse but couldn’t have one. I told her how I wasn’t allowed to take music lessons, play sports, or go to summer camps. All things my children take for granted. She actually asked a few questions. I don’t know if it will make a difference, but it made a pleasant memory for both of us.


Photo Credit: 2008 Julia Fuller.