A reader asked me for some tips for getting your child to obey so I decided to share them on my blog too, since I practically wrote her back a book. This probably wasn’t exactly what she expected, Grin!

It’s been my experience with damaged children that they aren't about to obey someone that they don't have a vested interest in. Keep in mind they've lost everything. You may be thinking that your child came from a hovel what could she possibly have lost or what could she miss? She lost her bed, it was comfortable and it was hers. She lost her favorite play area, her best friend, her toys, maybe her favorite foods, and maybe her favorite smell, but whatever it was, it was hers, and it was familiar, and it was all she had ever known.

So what threat is there in taking away a snack, a recess, a toy, a sticker or anything else? A spanking, she’s numb to pain it has no effect on her at all. She will obey you when she has formed some type of attachment to you and cares what you think and that takes time; weeks, sometimes months. Sometimes, with kids like that, letting them earn extra time with you will help them make the effort, or loosing time with you if they don’t make the effort. You might say you can't help me in the kitchen today because you disobeyed Mrs. So and So, or vice versa. The teacher could try this too, she could ask your child to erase the board or pass out papers so she feels like she's the special one getting the extra attention. It's difficult to do this sometimes because you don't feel like rewarding them; and doing this makes you feels like you are rewarding them, but sometimes it works and that’s what is important.

I used to use a credit sheet. I had it taped to the refrigerator and each child could earn 5 credits a day; One for hanging up the coat, One for completing homework, One for doing their job at home, One for picking up their room, One for not getting in trouble. Pick your own 5 that are important to you for your child and then think up rewards. For every 5 credits my children could choose a soda. If you don't like soda, then buy some prizes at the dollar store and put them in a bag or basket and let her choose one each time she gets 5 points. Don't wait until the end of the week, 7 days can be too long for some children, immediate gratification works best. If they earned 2 credits they got to choose a small piece of candy or gum. One of my friends had a jar that held marbles and let them put a marble in each time they got 5 credits. When it was full the child got a night in a hotel, or dinner out, or something else special choose what works best for you.