Note: Continued blogs about my memory of parenting LuLu/seeking help.

I was so excited to be at the ATTACh conference. It was like a huge “shopping mall” of people versed in attachment and trauma. While I had been reading for years, and crossed the country in search of a therapist, here was a treasure of information in one place. This was 2001, before I had connected with Nancy Spoolstra (I knew her in cyberspace, but hadn’t connected with her organization, ATN).

In each workshop I learned more and more. But two workshops were especially important to me. The first was on the topic of the role of Christianity in healing our attachment disordered children. The speakers, Matt and Fawn Bradley, of Beatitude House were wonderful. But this session was special to me because I sat next to a woman from Atlanta (who I had never met before). She was sitting next to another woman who was a therapist, going through specialized training to become an attachment therapist…in Atlanta! Voila! We now had a local therapist.

The second, even more earth-moving experience was a very complex session on the neurology of trauma and how neurofeedback can address the trauma and attachment issues in our children. Lawrence Van Bloem of Utah was the speaker; and it was Larry who caused a great shift in LuLu’s. life.

I was blown away by what Larry told us in that session. I purchased the audio tapes and still listen to them, as there was so much information there, and so complex, that I could scarcely take it all in.

I knew, unequivocally that we had to go to Utah to begin neurofeedback. I called his office on my way home from the conference and got the last opening in 2001 for a week-long neurofeedback intensive. My father had died in the summer of 2001, so my mother was willing to travel to Georgia and stay with us from Thanksgiving, through our December appointment to care for Kay.

The first thing that happened in Utah was that they did a QEEG on LuLu. This test measures the electrical activity of the brain, the way a regular EEG does. But the data is then qualified against other data from other EEGs on children of the same age. Through this comparison, they are able to show you statistically where the child’s brain waves are operating too fast or slow. So, a child whose brain does not show damage through traditional MRIs (no actual physical damage) can still show abnormalities in the way the brain functions through a QEEG. SPECT scans and PET scans operate similarly, and because they produce 3-D models of the brain, they can show abnormalities within the brain, instead of just the electrical currents on the top of the brain. But both of those tests are intrusive.

Having a QEEG done is the same as having an EEG done…just having to sit still while several electrodes are placed on your scalp.

The results of LuLu’s QEEG were astounding. What happened next can only be known as “the great shift” in our lives. Larry was reviewing the data, before forwarding it to the neurologist who actually deciphered it. But, because Larry was well-versed, having done neurofeedback on hundreds of children with attachment and complex issues, he could see right a way that there were several abnormalities.

I will never forget, sitting on small folding chairs in the office and listen to him mutter under his breath “Oh my God” as he paged through the data. For that moment, he forgot that the child’s parents were sitting behind him. When he realized it, he sheepishly apologized for “alarming us” but then very straight-forwardly told us that she had one of the “five worst brains” he’d ever seen. I remember Super Dad literally falling off his folding chair at this news!

Larry went on to suggest that we consider some sort of long-term care options for LuLu. Remember…she was only five. I was stunned. But, I remember not getting mad at Larry for delivering this horrific news. Instead, I felt strangely validated. It became crystal clear why all my best attempts at therapeutic parenting and encouraging bonding were being less-than-successful. Sure, we had some improvement. But we still had a very dysfunctional girl on our hands.

I remember saying very clearly to him that we did not come to Utah to be convinced to relinquish our child. I couldn’t believe the bold words coming out of my mouth. “We came for you to help us!” I cried.

And that was all it took.

Our relationship with Larry lasted for the next three years, until his untimely death in 2004. If you google him, you will read some very controversial speculation about his therapy practice. This is not the Larry we knew.

He was the first person to quantify that LuLu had severe issues that would need a multitude of interventions, and that perhaps our definition of “healing” her needed to be re-examined. And he was squarely in our court…willing to consult with us at any time (mostly without additional pay) to help us get what LuLu needed.

I’m still amazed to this day how accurately that first QEEG pinpointed the plethora of issues that LuLu has now been diagnosed with. When we went to Utah, LuLu only carried a RAD diagnosis. Although we’d seen signs of autism and speech issues, as well as sensory dysfunction, no one would diagnose them.

Larry very clearly showed us areas on the QEEG that indicated that she had huge sensory problems, social interaction problems, communication and auditory processing deficits. And he said, “Either this child is a genius in math or she’s the most obsessive person I’ve ever met.” This information has come to fruition as well. Yes, math is one of LuLu’s best subjects; but she’s also the most obsessive person you’ll ever meet!

The QEEG even showed a possibility of developing Tourettes, something I didn’t remember until years later, after she developed tics and another neurologist diagnosed it. Looking back through my notes…there it was…the QEEG showed the chance that this might be present as well. Amazing!

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