The Hope Connection – What About the Parents?

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One final topic from the Seeds of Hope: Promising Interventions for At-Risk Children presentation by Dr. Karyn Purvis and Dr. David Cross that I wanted to mention was their discussions about parents. Like many therapists who deal with attachment and trauma issues, these professionals understand the importance of strong, healthy primary caregivers to promote emotional healing.

So there are sections of their presentation where the talk about parents dealing with their own childhoods and their feelings about their childhoods. This topic always makes my stomach knot. I think it is because here is where some of the healing process can get really lost if this whole issue of the parents “issues” is not kept in balance. First off let me say that I do believe that all of us have issues from our childhood. No one had a perfect childhood. But in the course of becoming adults and living in the world we have had to “deal with” those issues. I also believe that not all people who adopt do so out of a sense of loss, as some therapists report. Many do have infertility problems (again not much to do with their childhoods); and many have sought counseling and support to deal with this grief. Social workers and adoption professionals often explore this background and the healing work a person (and a couple) have done in the homestudy process. (If they don’t then that is where the breakdown of this process occurs!)

Placing a traumatized child into a relatively healthy family is like my dear friend Nancy Spoolstra describes, injecting a pathogen into a healthy body. Yes the body has genetic weaknesses, but was healthy up to this point. Treating the body for its other genetic weaknesses may help, but treating directly for the pathogen is usually more effective. Same is true for attachment and trauma therapy. I know tons of parents of these challenging children. Many of them have discovered the need to seek personal therapy, start supplements or take medications. This is a good thing. BUT…

Too much of a good thing is not good. And some therapists take it a bit too far. I was recently reminded of this when a friend told me that a well-known therapist basically says that ALL adoptive parents have unresolved attachment problems from childhood and until they acknowledge this baggage the child won’t heal. To put it bluntly…this is rubbish! Unfortunately what happens to some families is that they encounter this thought process and wind up feeling so guilty at not being able to figure out what their baggage is that their self-doubt and their belief that they are somehow “causing” their child’s trauma and attachment issues is overwhelming.

So, I bristled as they started down this path. To Dr. Purvis’ credit she didn’t make grand assumptions that ALL parents are impairing attachment and she also cautioned therapists not to let their own pasts, childhoods, and attachment strains color their work.

Then she told about some really interesting parenting stuff…They started measuring the neurotransmitters of the parents as well. Guess what? The profiles showed very low adrenaline along with the low serotonin. It was the profile of BURNOUT! What happens to anyone is that you can only pump adrenaline for so long until you deplete it if your body is not given a situation of “non-stress” enough to recover.

What does depletion of the adrenal gland look like?
Chronic fatigue, lack of sleep, lack of energy, weight loss or weight gain, confused thinking, mild depression. Sound like anyone you know?

Their presentation didn’t give any “what to do” information about adrenal depletion, other than the obvious relieving the stress. But you know me…I went searching for answers. In addition to adequate rest, exercise, diets high in protein and meditation or yoga, many places recommend taking a high quality multi-vitamin, supplementing with calcium and DHEA.

I also found out that women of menopause or peri-menopausal age need to be especially aware of adrenal burnout because the adrenal glands help negate menopausal symptoms…if there’s a time you need them to be working…it’s now. In fact many studies link that after 40 weight gain around your middle with a poor functioning adrenal system from years of chronic stress.

Has any of this convinced you that there’s a biochemical reason to take care of yourself? I hope so!

Dr. Purvis has seen hundreds of campers and their families. She comments that the parents’ neurotransmitter profiles are almost always showing adrenal depletion and that given the levels she is in awe of the strength of these parents not to “give up” on healing their children.

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