Whew! Another long weekend is over! Another three days out of school survived! In households all across the US there are parents of children whose disabilities make them very challenging to parent, who are breathing an exhausted sigh of relief.

Tomorrow is back to school (even for those late-to-start school districts). Friday afternoon and evening brought a flood of emails from panicky parents wondering how they were going to make it through the long weekend. Some had specific plans to do “normal” Labor Day activities (camping, beach, cookouts, visiting relatives). But they still understood the potential pitfalls and differences they faced. Things like remembering to bring on the medications, having a plan in case of a meltdown, or being steeled for unsolicited advice from friends and families.

Still others realized their children’s challenges put them beyond following the “normal” trends of the day, and holed up in their houses hoping to survive through any rages, destruction of property or overwhelming realization that the rest of the country was…well…resting.

Around here, the Labor Day weekend came and went without much fanfare at all. Most holidays do these days. When you have neither the money nor the energy to plan outings or events, these days seem like all others. We enjoyed having Super Dad here for three full days. He got a lot of yard work done. I finished up the desk and classroom for the “new” Ladybug Elementary, complete with reconfiguring our wireless network so now LuLu has a computer in the basement ready for virtual school. Kay and I spent part of Saturday shopping for the costume for her upcoming play. And (can you believe this)…last night Super Dad and I went on a date!
It was a tenuous situation for most of yesterday, LuLu, not wanting Kay to be her babysitter and incredibly indignant that we would go out to eat without her, threw several little fits. (All the more evidence that we don’t get out without her nearly enough.) I was very frustrated at all this and just about decided not to go. But Super Dad insisted. We met another couple, some very good friends, at the movies, saw The Nanny Diaries and then went out to eat Italian after that and back to our friends’ house for a long-overdue chat. It was glorious!

Tonight as I scanned my emails, I noticed that several parents had some very rough times during the long weekend. Some needed to make arrangements for their child to actual leave the home, due to dangerous behaviors. My heart always breaks when I read that, because I’ve been to that edge before (more times than I care to remember), and it’s overwhelming. In fact, curbing your own frustration has to be one of the biggest challenges when parenting challenging children. Because this very different parenting requires SOOOO much.

One mom commented that even if she’d ended up in Holland (see this blog if you don’t understand the reference) she’d be better off than where she is now. She referred to it as Antarctica.

I get her point. In the original analogy the parents end up in Holland (with their special needs child). It’s different and not where they’d planned on going, but it is beautiful in its own way. Sometimes, parenting children with mental, emotional or neurological disabilities can be so overwhelming that it’s hard to view it as anything beautiful. Frozen, desolate, lonely, dangerous, dead…those are the adjectives that come to mind.

So, for all you parents out there for which Labor Day was truly laborious…I applaud you that you’ve made it through! Tomorrow is back to some semblance of a routine, whatever that looks like for your family. And hopefully back to less-challenging days…at least until Thanksgiving break!

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