One of my readers pointed out that men can be awesome primary caregivers. Yes, indeed! It gave me a chuckle to read that after I had just returned from a funeral over which our new (female) pastor presided. She, along with one of our former pastors, conducted the service, and she sang because her voice is definitely outstanding.

I was both amused and felt a bit uncomfortable as the elder pastor (who had not met our new pastor until yesterday) and others who spoke referred to her as a “pretty thing” and other comments that could be construed as very politically incorrect in a gender-biased way.

Now, I know, (because I know all these people well) that no offense was intended. But my thoughts wandered first to wonder what our new pastor was thinking. Then to what her husband was thinking about other men commenting about her appearance. Then to what God himself was thinking. (No I don’t need anyone sending me scripture that she shouldn’t be a preacher because of her gender…already been there.)

I began to think about how much God must shake his head in wonder at how we humans make so many assumptions. We assume that primary caregivers are female, and pastors are male. We assume that children who are of a certain race, or as Kelly reported, have a certain disability, belong with families of similar traits, even over those who have raised them for years. We assume that children are resilient, that they will bounce back, that they were too young to remember.

Our assumptions get us in trouble. More likely, our inability to question our assumptions and expand our thinking is what gets us in trouble. I know this is true for those who are living with a child with a disability, those who are parenting in non-traditional ways, or those whose career choices don’t fit societal norms.

At the same time, if you’re on the receiving end of some unintentional bias (but bias none-the-less), your reaction can make a real difference.

If our pastor was offended by gender-based comments, it didn’t show on her face. She handled it with total grace…which says a lot. The dads I know who stay home with their kids have had their share of comments to contend with. But instead of getting too bent out of shape, they just continue to focus on their priority…parenting their children. And just watching them is enough to make most people rethink their stereotypes.

The same is true for adoptive families and any family with a disability. As much as we don’t want to be “poster” families, in many ways we are. We’re have opportunities daily to reshape the thinking of others about what adoption means or what living with a disability mean.

I have deep admiration for people willing to step out of the box that society has put them in because of gender, culture, career choice or other reasons. Especially those who do so to love a child.


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