Nancy Deren, one of my dear readers, posted about her way of flexibly dealing with holidays and the extra stress they can bring. I think what she says clearly embodies what I’ve been trying to communicate. It is very important that we expand our thinking when it comes to celebrating holidays, and that we do what works for our families and ourselves at any given point. Here’s what Nancy had to say:

One of the changes we've made is developing various traditions that take place at home and can happen on any day in case the child is in the hospital or elsewhere on the actual holiday. For example, we hunted for Easter eggs around the house the day she came home from the hospital two weeks after Easter, and we have "candle parties" for all holidays on whatever day near the holiday she is stable enough to enjoy it.

I love Nancy’s idea of “candle parties”:

We read stories that we have gotten from the library that are related to the holiday, sing songs, and toast mini-marshmallows with corn cob holders or toothpicks over candles. The candle party can involve just the two of us or other family members based on my daughter’s ability to handle it. Another change is having more activities and traditions that involve just the two of us or maybe three or four family members total, rather than larger numbers.

Nancy offered some cost-conscious tips as well:

We literally have no money, so that necessitates some adaptations. So we use the free public library. Getting the phone call from the librarians to tell us that the book or video we ordered is there to pick up is as exciting as getting a "real" gift, even though it is only a loan. Looking up special activities on the Internet related to holidays is also fun and free. We go caroling for Christmas with friends if [my daughter] can handle it. We make gifts for family members rather than buying, especially scrapbooks, because we love to do that.

I liked the idea of making gifts for family members. Not only does it usually save money, but it requires our children to really focus on thinking about the other person. Some of our children struggle a bit with finding compassion for others or thinking that they (because of their disabilities) have something to give to others. Encouraging homemade gifts from our special kids can be a very positive project. In fact, I ordered some supplies for a craft project just yesterday that LuLu and I will undertake to make for her three older siblings. It will give her an art project, and a chance to make something special for her brother and sisters. Hopefully she’ll be home and well enough to enjoy this. If not, it will keep until next year.

Simplifying is important as well. We’ve found with our older kids, that they just enjoy the idea of playing games when they come over. Since we’re a blended family, they have eaten meals at others houses and done elaborate partying elsewhere. Having a relaxed place with snacks and being available just to play games together is what they look forward to…enjoying each other’s company. Yes, I know some of our special children can have a difficult time with the “enjoying each other” part, but the simplier the celebration the less anxiety it produces AND the less money you’ve put out if you have to change plans at the last minute or end a celebration early because of a special child’s needs.

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