If you are parenting children who experienced abuse and neglect in their early lives, do you eventually begin to feel like you are experiencing Déjà Vu? You know that feeling that you’ve experienced, seen, or said the exact same thing before. Do you find yourself getting frustrated, angry, and losing your patience because you’ve gone over the same thing so many times?

I have found myself saying the exact same phrases, so often, that I have actually considered recording them. Then I could have about six different “play buttons” that I could push, as needed. Ok, here’s the advantage. I could make the recordings after relaxing in the tub, so the phrases sound happy and encouraging. Always the same phrase in the same positive voice.

“Ok, what’s our rule about that?”
“Get dressed, get breakfast, and brush your teeth, first, then you may.”
“How could you have known, if it was ok to do that?
“Walk away.”
“There is a parent present, and that would be me, not you.”
“What should you be doing?”

An advantage of having parented many children is that nothing surprises you, a child rarely catches you off guard, and you have predetermined consequences. You realize that it is a phase that the child has to go through, and it too, shall pass. You’ve probably picked up a few tips on how to help it pass. You have an ongoing relationship with therapist and psychiatrist who can get you right in.

A disadvantage is that you’ve been through this numerous times before and you’re feeling too old, too tired, and too frustrated, to do it again. Sometimes, when I look at my daughter who just turned 10, I think I'm experiencing Déjà Vu. It's almost like I'm reliving raising our daughter that just turned 19, whom we adopted at nine.


I Refuse to Treat My Adopted Children Equally!
When Adoption Takes Too Long
The Child’s Best Interest? Adoption and Foster Care
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