When reading or hearing information I tend to think about how the information is relevant for my family. Usually it ends up having adoption or special needs significance for me since that has been my life for the past 14 years. When I saw an article entitled “Complicated Grief” from the Mayo Clinic I automatically assumed it had to do with the loss and grief that foster children suffer when separated from their birth families. Instead, the article was about the grief associated with the death of a loved one. However, as I read the stages and symptoms and replaced the words “death of a loved one” with “loss or separation from loved ones” I realized that complicated grief is exactly what many of our traumatized adopted children suffer from.

It is normal to grieve after a significant loss. Those who experience normal or uncomplicated grief eventually are able to move forward with their lives. However, some experience emotions that are so intense or debilitating that they continue to have trouble functioning with daily life months after the loss. They can focus on little besides their loss, feel no sense of purpose in life, and may feel that life isn’t worth living. They suffer from persistent pining or longing for the lost person. They blame themselves, feel guilty, and believe that they could have done something to prevent the loss. At times, people with complicated grief may consider suicide and should call 911 or their local emergency services number.

The article goes on to list the criteria necessary to be diagnosed with complicated grief. I have exchanged the word death with the word loss to help us see how this fits what our traumatized children experience.

Intense pining or longing for the lost person that occurs daily or is distressing or disruptive
Trouble accepting the loss
Inability to trust others after the loss
Difficulty moving forward with life
Excessive bitterness or anger related to the loss
Feeling emotionally numb or detached from others
A feeling that life is now meaningless
A belief that the future won't be fulfilling
Increased agitation or jumpiness
For diagnosis of complicated grief, these symptoms must last at least six months and cause impairment or disruption in your ability to function in daily life, such as at work or in social engagements
Complicated grief can affect you physically, mentally and socially. Without appropriate treatment, these complications can include:
Depression
Suicidal thoughts or behaviors
Increased risk of heart disease, cancer and high blood pressure
Anxiety
Long-term impairment in daily living
Post-traumatic stress disorder
Substance abuse
Smoking or nicotine use

Blogs of Interest:
Spreading Feces part 2
Painting With Feces
When Your Child Kills Pets - Part 1
Encopresis, A Smelly Behavior Problem

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