Here it is over a week later, and I’m still processing what I learned from Kathie Snow of Disability is Natural, a speaker at our Partners in Policymaking class.
One thing that I learned is that Advocate Moms (and Dads) everywhere must learn to use humor to stay sane.

Around here, an active sense of humor is mandatory. It is the glue that holds our family together. There is rarely a crisis that is weathered at our household during which some kind of humor is not raised. For example, after our atrocious day yesterday, I emailed the Madeline Kahn “I’m So Tired” video this morning to Super Dad (who had begun singing the song at one point yesterday). Humor is so important for survival when parenting special kids.

One value of humor is to unite you against a common enemy. (No, I don’t mean your kids.) Families that have “inside jokes” are using humor as bonds. One of our “inside jokes” is that LuLu, who is often frustrated by our humor will say “I don’t do jokes!” So when LuLu does say something funny and laughs (which happens more and more frequently), the rest of the family reminds her that she “doesn’t do jokes!”

Humor can also be used to deflect negative comments made by others. Kathie had great stories about what to say to nosey bystanders in the grocery store. One example is that if someone would ask her (in front of her son, of course), “Was he born like that?” She’d respond, “No, he was born about this size.” And she’d place her hands apart about the length of a newborn. That one is similar to when someone asks me if I’m LuLu’s “real” mom or she my “real” kid. We always pinch each other and say “Yep, feels pretty real to me!”

While humor is great to weed out those just being nosey or even those actively seeking to ridicule or devalue your child because of his or her disability, race or status as an adopted child, our humor is obviously “biting”. I remember when I started responding with my snide comment to the use of “real” mom that it finally occurred to me that the public doesn’t know the correct language. (Heck, we in the adoption community can’t agree!) But if the person seemed sincere, I’d always introduce a more appropriate option like birth mom or bio mom. Because it is definitely an opportunity for educating.

At some of my darkest moments, I’ve reached for humor. When I finished testifying at our due process hearing last summer, I was driving home, completely spent, when I noticed the car in front of me had a stuffed dog that looked like the bandaged pooch in the movie There's Something About Mary. That was all it took to cruise into the video store and pick up a copy to watch while I decompressed after that horrendous day. Laughing hysterically is truly some of the best medicine!