My blog-mate, Julie, did a great post last week about parenting her special needs adopted child. In the post, Either You’re a Saint or You Asked for This, Julie talked about people thinking that she, and other adoptive parents of special needs children, are saints for parenting their special needs child. For those of us with special needs adopted children, it comes down to, what choice do we have, other than to parent our child to the best of our ability?

I actually had a reader suggest in a comment at Heredity > Substance Abuse > Environment > Special Needs
that I give my special needs child up for adoption to someone who wouldn’t question her diagnosis. Does that also mean to someone who wouldn’t challenge her to learn all that she can?

I ask you the question. [sic] If your answer would be something that can not be corrected, and you end up becoming un-attached to this child, would you be honest with yourself and give the child up for "adoption" to a person that would have no problem with the diagnosis, or would you for your own reasons, continue seeking the answer you want for the rest of this child's life?

Should I just set back and let her play with legos and leaves all day and not worry about her future? Will I be a better parent if I don’t help her to read, keep track of time, and use money? Won’t her adult life be happier if she is able to live independently and maintain employment?

I realize that all states vary on their regulations regarding disrupting an adoption. In Michigan, if I chose no longer to parent my adopted special needs child, my name and Super Dad’s name would be placed on the child abuser registry. We would never be allowed to work with children in 4-H, boy scouts, or t-ball, etc. We would be charged with child abandonment and treated like criminals.

There is an organization called CHASK that helps special needs children find Christian homes. If you visit their website you will find many parents who are trying to find new homes for their special needs children.

Why would they choose not to parent their children? They choose because it is hard work, everyday, seven days a week. Sometimes choosing to parent the special child puts your other children at substantial risk. It definitely takes time away from your other children; family, friends, and you fall into bed exhausted every night.

If you haven’t noticed, there aren’t lines of people waiting to adopt older special needs children. If there were, we wouldn’t need organizations like Adopt America Network, or Adopt US Kids, or North West Adoption Exchange, or each state's website of their waiting children.

No, we are not saints, as Julie and other bloggers have said, some days we feel far from it. We have chosen to parent our special needs children to the best of our abilities. We do get frustrated, but we are not giving up on them. We are the right parents for our chosen child, which is why God placed them with us. Because, there is some need or needs in that child’s life, that our family and only our family, can fill.
Were You The Right Parent for Your Child?
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