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Some time ago I read Dr. Ross Greene’s book, The Explosive Child, and saw a great deal of LuLu’s behaviors described within the pages. Over the last few months I have digested more and more of Dr. Greene’s approach, known as Collaborative Problem Solving, and I think he has a point. There is a different way to parent explosive, inflexible children.
Who are these inflexible children? Well, explosive and inflexible aren’t diagnostic terms, but if you’re a parent of an explosive/inflexible child, you know it. These are the children prone to “meltdowns!” According to Dr. Green, there are some key features that distinquish these kids:
1. A very limited capacity for flexibility and adaptability, and a tendency to become “incoherent” in the midst of severe frustration.
2. An extremely low frustration tolerance threshold.
3. The tendency to think in a concrete, rigid, black-and-white manner.
4. The persistence of inflexibility and poor response to frustration despite a high level of intrinsic or extrinsic motivation.
Dr. Greene describes these children as easily overwhelmed by frustration and unable to use logic or rational thought when frustrated (Bingo! That’s my kid!) He argues that inflexible/explosive children have little to no control over their behavior during meltdowns. This is one reason why traditional behavior modification fails. The child truly can’t control the meltdowns, so no amount of rewards or punishments will diminish the behaviors. In fact, traditional behavior therapy, according to Dr. Greene, can make things worse.
Overwhelming frustration to seemingly trivial events is another hallmark (Hello? My kid again!) These kids think in an all-or-nothing manner, making it hard for them to switch gears, negotiate or compromise.
What Causes a Child to Be this Way?
Dr. Greene attributes most of this to ADHD and Executive Functioning Deficits. Executive Functioning skills can be defined as: organization and planning skills, establishing goals and being able to use these goals to guide your behavior, working memory, being able to keep emotions from overpowering one’s ability to think rationally, and being able to shift efficiently from one cognitive activity to the next.
I see that LuLu has challenges with all these areas, but would probably attribute to problem in shifting to an OCD problem, the problem in working memory to a processing deficit, and the emotions overpowering her ability to think rationally to either a sensory overload or trauma-triggered situation.
But the “label” you give it isn’t nearly as important as what you do about it.
Dr. Greene makes two points in his book that ring especially true for me:
1. Extremely inflexible and explosive children’s behaviors are due to biologically-based vulnerabilities and not because of “poor parenting”.
2. Most explosive children want to behave better and feel badly about their outbursts. They are often motivated to change; but lack the skills to do so.
I have a child like this too. You are absolutely correct that it is neurologically based. When we received his SPECT scan report. The Physician writing the report wrote the following about my son’s cognitive inflexibility after reading his SPECT scans: “C has a rather severe form of ADD, in which the brain is so hyperactive that mood stabilizing anticonvulsant medication to calm the brain is necessary, in addition to others (neuroleptic and antiobsessive-compulsive agents). Children with this form of ADD typically cannot be flexible in their thinking (wanting everything their way), they are impulsive, talkative, unpredictable in their behavior. They can be aggressive and insensitive to others. PLEASE REMEMBER THAT THESE ARE BRAIN FUNCTION PROBLEMS, NOT MERELY BEHAVIORAL PROBLEMS.”
Anyone watching my son explode on me in public, because he places a demand on me, I can’t meet, would assume he’s an out of control spoiled brat. They probably also would assume I’m a poor parent. He looks normal and is a cute kid who can turn the charm on. People can’t see the inside of his brain. Now, whenever I see a child have an extreme or aggressive meltdown in public, I automatcially assume the child could have severe ADHD, Bipolar, Tourettes, Aspergers or a combo. Your “run of the mill” spoiled brat, a product of overly-indulgent parenting, but with a pre-frontal cortex that is normal, doesn’t go into the life/death mode, my son sometimes does when he can only see his way. They might start to whine or fuss, but then think, of other ways to get what they want with out the embarassment or drama of an explosive aggressive public meltdown.
We are finding many great parenting techniques geared for children who are cognitively inflexible and experiencing a lot of success with them. We also recently started a new med (a dopamine booster) that has amazingly resolved many of son’s worst symptoms including his aggression and cognitive inflexibility. We are crossing our fingers that it continues to work, as so many of his meds, in the past, work for a while and then become ineffective.
My heart goes out to all others parenting a child similar to mine. Outsiders and some insiders don’t realize the effort, creativity, and energy it takes daily to parent a child with zero cognitive flexibility.
Julie, great post. The four items you mention apply to various disorders, Bipolar, IED, ADD, FAE, FAS,OCD, etc. Intermittent Explosive Disorder is exactly like these four items. There are meds that can help, and a particular type of cognative therapy.
If the problem is due to one of the other disorders, then the solution is different. There is a problem when a number of these disorders are at work at the same time, solutions may not be perfect.
akamom, you are so right about the public reaction to one of these meltdowns, and yes they can be charming. Roger the Dopamine, that does work. Thank goodness the docs have come up with some solutions. My experience is that the truly rigid thinking award goes to the FAS kids, truly my way or the highway. John
That’s my daughter but she doesn’t have any of the other diagnoses. She just hasn’t responded as my other child has to my teaching techniques for regaining control and calming down. Frankly, I’m so tired of it and overwhelmed by it. It’s been a really tough weekend and on the Mother’s Day scale, about a minus 3. I’m glad it’s over.