I’m really bugged by this Halloween thing and LuLu being in the hospital. I recognize that so far it is “my thing”, as LuLu hasn’t even realized that she will be missing our church’s “trunk or treat” event this Sunday.

Around here there is a definite pecking order of holidays, with Christmas being the most important, then Halloween, followed by Easter, Independence Day, then finally Thanksgiving. (Everyone but Super Dad thinks the actual Thanksgiving celebration is boring. But he loves cranberries, pumpkin pie and turkey, so there you go!)

Like most families, we have specific traditions and rituals that we observe at each holiday – some based on our faith, others based on family traditions. For us, at Halloween, the “trunk or treat” celebration at our church is a family affair.

For those not familiar with “trunk or treat”, here’s how this clever concept works: Participants decorate their cars/trunks and park them in the parking lot in a configuration that allows the trick-or-treaters to go car to car, playing games and collecting treats. This year’s celebration for us is a competition between trunks and will be judged on themes, costumes and games played.

Being the competitive mom I am (and because everyone in our family enjoys this) we had planned an ambulance theme, using all of LuLu’s doctor-related toys and paraphernalia. The game is a life-sized Operation game that children can remove certain things with salad tongs. It’s very cute and the whole family was going dressed as doctors and nurses (with LuLu’s doctor costume being the most elaborate, of course). We even had the dog involved, having bought her a doggie skeleton costume to wear. All the candy will be body-part-shaped.

But now, LuLu won’t be there. I’m frustrated that this bothers me so much, but it does. There have been countless holidays that LuLu’s disabilities have “ruined” either because she raged or kept us from going to parties or other observances, or because she rejected or broke gifts or became so overstimulated that she was impossible to control. Over the years we have modified our holiday expectations to fit what she’s able to handle.

Yet, we’ve all gotten used to doing what did work for each holiday. And this year, there’s a hole in Halloween. Super Dad and I have been invited to a wonderful costume party tomorrow night that we are now free (even without hiring a babysitter) to attend. This will be fun, but it won’t quite squelch my disappointment.

It is hard being the parent of a special needs child. I think one of the hardest things about it is how things effect you when you least expect them. Who would have thought that this would be the one thing I’m most troubled by? It’s a simple little holiday celebration for crying out loud! But it’s one more way that our lives are not the same as the “normal” families. Sigh…

Photo: Our family three years ago at Trunk or Treat