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Most states have limits on the number of children under the age of 18 who can live in one special needs adoptive home. For example, Massachusetts won’t allow more than six children, and in Michigan, the number is eight. That is eight children total under 18 years, regardless if they are birth, adopted, or foster care children. Of course, there are those adoptive families who are allowed a variance for exceptional reasons. One reason might be to allow a large sibling group to stay together in one home. However, for the most part the states try to adhere to limits. Why do most states limit the number of children in a special needs adoptive home?
Parenting eight special needs children is not the same as parenting eight biological children. Typically, these children have more appointments to which the adoptive parents must transport them. They may have behaviors or medical needs that require constant or very individualized attention. Many cannot be left home alone safely, even in their teenage years. Some cannot be trusted around younger children without adult supervision even for a few minutes. Many are behind academically and need the adoptive parents help and support to catch up and complete school homework. They may be immature for their chronological age and need close nurturing like a toddler. Those with poor impulse control may disappear out the door while the adoptive parent is helping another child. All of these things will of course limit the amount of time the parents have to spend with the other children.
There are those who believe that limits should be up to the adoptive parents. The parents should know how many children they are able to handle at one time. There was a time when I was one of those adoptive parents. My children were all quite young at the time. It can be easy to parent a dozen children under 10. You are able to engage them all in stories, crafts, water play, and the younger ones take naps. Unfortunately, when the teen years hit, many behaviors resurface or escalate. If you had many young children, you will have many teenagers at the same time. It can be very challenging and leaves little personal time.
Photo Credit: © medieval times 2005, Illinois.
We are an adoptive family in MI, and I strongly believe that the amount of children you have, bio and adopted, should be a family decision. I hear over and over we have one and can hardly handle him”!
We have 7 bio children, ages 24-14 and 5 living adopted children, ages 8-3. We would love to adopt more children, and KNOW that with the support of God and extended family all of these children can grow to be wonderful, productive, loving adults!!