It’s happened again. This time to another friend of mine, the adoptive mom of a very traumatized little girl whose most appropriate placement is at home, with teachers and therapists coming to her, to lessen her anxiety and make learning possible. The school, after agreeing to homebound services for a time, has denied this placement in the latest IEP meeting. The line has been drawn in the sand and the battle’s begun. My friend has hired a lawyer and the whole due process scenario is off and running. And then the school…

You guessed it, someone called Child Protective Services! Now my friend, being an awesome mom, has plenty of evidence that she’s not abusing, neglecting or withholding food or water (this was part of the allegation, I believe) from her daughter. She has a cadre of doctors and therapists who see her child regularly enough to address any of the social worker’s concerns.

Now CPS isn’t allowed to reveal who reported that my friend was allowing her child to be dehydrated or not taking the child out in public. But it was pretty obvious that school officials were involved (due to the wording of the complaint). And the CPS workers were obliged to follow up with a home inspection and request that my friend take her daughter to her doctor for verification that she was physically fine. (To which my friend complied).

Discussing this in a group of adoptive moms of traumatized children, the group clearly understands how horrific this situation is for traumatized children and how scary it is for those of us whose whole lives are committed to keeping them safe. Someone invariably asks:

“Why would schools do this? Why would they not be interested in HELPING our children, but instead in HURTING our families?”

I remember the first time I heard a retaliation story. There had to be some big mistake. Surely educators would not be out to harm a family and would clearly understand what damage could be done by false allegations of abuse. Surely the parents involved either misunderstood or were “guilty” of something.

As much as we want to doubt that school personnel would retaliate against parents who speak out, it is true. The obvious next question is WHY? The answer isn’t as obvious, but here’s some thoughts.

1. All if fair in love and due process battles. Once the line has been drawn in the sand (i.e. you’ve hired an attorney), some schools will label you as public enemy number one. Some do that before, if they sense that you are the kind of tenacious parent who might fight “the system”. And, remember, the school holds some powerful cards. One of them is their “mandatory reporting” status to CPS…which can be, and frequently is, twisted into a battle tactic.
2. The retaliatory moves might cause you to back off. This may be what school personnel are hoping…that they can intimidate you into dropping the issue. Having CPS investigate is a pretty scary thing; especially for those who know that having your children removed from your home for even a short time can cause further trauma to a traumatized child.
3. Discrediting the parents helps the court case. If you’re headed to court, the move may be one to simply help their case. You look more suspect to a judge if CPS has been involved.
4. The educator may actual believe the claim. The person actually filing the claim may believe that you are somehow harming the child, or at the bare minimum, not parenting the right way. Educators fancy themselves as child “experts” in a big way. Many of them do know a great deal about children, often more than the typical parent. But parents who are actively advocating for their children aren’t usually the “typical” don’t-know-what –we’re-doing parents. And educators rarely have a grasp of the needs of traumatized children. Still, some have this a mixture of big ego and desire to “save the child” from the parents that is dangerous in situations like this.


Related Blogs:

Never Doubt That Retaliation Is Real
I Take Child Abuse Allegations Very Seriously…But

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