For as long as I can remember there has been mention in LuLu’s IEP about her doing certain activities with fading prompts or without needing an adult to sit right by her side. When she came home to do school, after February 2006, I realized exactly what was going on…that LuLu required one-on-one adult interaction for everything. Without this constant adult interaction (actually needing the adult right there by her side), several of LuLu’s disabilities would/could come into play, making it impossible for her to learn.

Without an adult to redirect her, LuLu would easily lose focus. Or she might just as easily get frustrated. From there, her anxiety would build and she would impulsively seek the adult’s full attention (not taking “no” for an answer). From there, she would slip into a panic mode (anxiety) that she would never know the answer and/or never get the teacher’s attention to get the help she needed.

All of these reactions to not having direct constant access to the adult teaching her could happen in the flash of a second, making them hard to discern. It’s only after having her here and observing this for a while that I started to understand the complexity of it all.

Now, I’m one for independence. I was sharing with a friend the other day that I really dislike babies. She laughed when I said this, as if I were joking. But I wasn’t it. Even as sweet as my Kay was as a newborn, I remember actually telling her to hurry up and grow up. Each passing infant and toddler stage was fun; but I longed for more. I wanted her to walk, talk, be able to watch a movie with me. And it’s still true. My struggles with Kay as a teenager have not been those of Mom wanting to “hold on” but of Mom seeing where Kay isn’t quite ready for the independence or able/willing to “take the bull by the horns” and run her own life. (We’re back on this not-keeping-up-with-schoolwork kick…sigh…this kid has to be ready for college in a year!)

Anyway, I recognized right from the start that LuLu needed to be able to work independently. She was truly not able to do it. So we started slowly. First by keeping a chart of the day’s assignments and having her record what she’d worked on. Then, there would be assignments that once I’d get her rolling, I’d leave the room. I swear that some day the bulk of my exercise is climbing up and down stairs from her classroom to my office.

It was LuLu’s ability to escalate into a meltdown when I wasn’t in the room that convinced me that the whole theory of avoidance or attention was at the root of her behaviors. She wasn’t melting for me to come back into the room as much as getting frustrated at the assignment. Then panicky that she could see no way out.

The interesting change I’ve seen in LuLu is that over the last several months, she truly has learned how to work independently on the subjects that she excels in. She usually starts her morning with spelling or vocabulary, while I fix her breakfast. She can check the board, get out her assignment and usually complete them without help from me. Or, if she has questions, she comes to me and asks. No more whining and panicking; and little prompting…just telling her that it’s time to get started is usually enough. Now, with reading or writing, there’s not much independent work going on. And science and history need my guidance and actual teaching of the material. Math depends on what she’s working on. If it’s review, she’s able to do it independently.

I’m not sure of the actual steps we’ve taken to get her to this level of independence. I have repeatedly showed her the appropriate way to solicit my help, if she needs it. She also takes great pride in marking assignments off of her “to do” list. And after quite a battle of wits, she has learned to come and find me to help her vs. screaming and whining for my attention. But I also think that maturity and comfort with her classroom and the curriculum have major roles in this as well.

Today was an exciting day, as we were headed to a field trip with the virtual academy at lunch time. I didn’t really expect LuLu to focus or get a thing done in the morning. But, as usual, she started in on her vocabulary lesson and packed her spelling book to work on in the car. All of this was done quickly and without complaint, even though she was super excited (which means more tics, more perseverations, and more anxiety). So I couldn’t help but notice how amazing it was, and realizing just how much more independently LuLu has been doing her work.


Photo of LuLu doing math.