Do your children stick up for each other and tell you, the parent, that you are not being fair when you are berating one of their siblings? While I find it annoying, it also warms my heart to realize how much they actually care about each other. It demonstrates that a real bond has been established between the siblings. It also indicates a transition from being preoccupied with self, to thinking about the needs of others. I believe it also indicates that your child has developed a level of trust in your relationship.

If you have adopted children who are older than newborns, these are real milestones in their adoption journey with your family. Years of abuse, neglect, or multiple care givers can cause children to focus on their own needs and become self absorbed. They can feel isolated and fear retributions for speaking up. Therefore, I see these milestones as indicators that your adopted children are feeling comfortable and safe with your family.

I acknowledge my appreciation for showing concern for a sibling, which is truly an admirable trait that we would like to encourage. However, I usually remind them that I am the parent and need to be the one to dole out discipline. Occasionally, we will have family court for a decision, especially if it involved a child’s property, pet, friends, or injury.

The child who has committed an injustice will be assigned a sibling as a lawyer. Another child will be assigned to be the prosecutor. A parent will be the judge, to make sure things don’t get out of control. Then we have a family trial to establish the consequences. It has been my experience that the children are more lenient with their consequences than I am. However, the child on trial is usually more accepting of consequences assigned by their siblings, than those assigned by a parent. It also helps prevent the parent from always being the “bad guy.”


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