If you know someone parenting an autistic child, or a child with any neurological impairment, take the time to read The Chronicles of Ben from yesterday’s (June 10) Chicago Tribune.

This article is written by David Royko, son of the late columnist Mike Royko), and parent to a 12-year-old autistic boy. I was profoundly moved by David’s in-depth, accurate and heart-wrenching description of what it was like to raise this special child and then have to make the difficult decision to send him to a residential treatment center in order to allow the family to survive.

There was so much in the Roykos story that I can relate to. David’s description of the challenges of parenting special children who require that someone always be attending to them (unless they are asleep) is dead-on accurate. Many parents can remember what it was like to have newborns or toddlers in the house and the ways their constant need for care put major restrictions on your lives. But imagine this going on for 10 or 12 years. It seems impossible to believe, unless, of course, you’re living it.

And then there was the response to professionals telling them he needed to be placed in a residential center:

We didn't disagree. But we didn't do anything about it.

Those words rang true as well. They just couldn’t bring themselves to take such a drastic step, even if most were telling them it was inevitable. I wonder, too, if part of their inability to act was their own pure exhaustion. I know for me it is. I often can not find the energy to pursue any change in our situation whatsoever. Researching, searching for ways to fund what is needed, seeking out and insisting upon help are full-time jobs for well-rested parents. But they are nearly impossible for special needs parents.

David goes on to describe an episode where Ben raged on late into the night. He had explained that Ben often calmed if he was allowed to doze with his parents when it was bedtime. But this time, the rage had begun and there was no placating Ben. David writes:

The question could reasonably be asked, "Why didn't you just let him sleep in your bed?" On many a night, that's precisely what we have done--given in. But it was late, he was tired enough to be dozing on the couch downstairs, and dammit, we wanted to go to sleep, which couldn't be done with Ben in the same bed.

Been there; done that! Sometimes when the rage is reaching (as David said) “nuclear proportions” giving in just isn’t the right thing at the moment. Sometimes the parents deserve something…even if it’s a partial night’s sleep.

I was also touched by his description of the “normalcy” that fell over the family once Ben had been moved to the residential center. They could spontaneously go out for ice cream or to a movie. They could do things that normal families with normal 12-year-old children (Ben has a twin brother) do. The freedom felt both strange and wonderful to them. I know this feeling ever so briefly when we’ve hired sitters, or had friends watch LuLu. I’m envious of the normalcy.

Take the time to check out this article. Print it or email it to your favorite dad of a special needs child. David Royko has captured the essence of what it means to parent special kids 24/7/365 and difficult decisions that are often necessary as our children grow.

About This Issue